Sadness vs. Depression: Please learn the difference

One of the biggest problems contributing to the stigma of mental health is the concept of sadness vs. depression. Sadness and depression are not the same thing, and our society needs to learn that in order to move forward and get people the help they need. In my past blogs I've identified the definition of depression. Now it's time for the definition of sadness:

Sadness occurs when one is affected by unhappiness or grief, expressing sorrow. Sadness is a feeling. It is an expressible, physical thing that occurs as a response to some stimulus.

Depression, however, is very different. For me, depression has no feeling. When I feel depressed, I feel empty inside. I don't feel passionate about anything. It's as though the world is turning around me and I'm the sole spectator. It's very difficult to physically express depression. Yes, there can be crying or pain. Occasionally, we might find we have our arms wrapped around ourselves, trying to hold the pieces together.

Sadness is part of a process. Grieving can be healthy, a release. Depression is not a part of a normal mental process. When grief or pain gets out of control, it can lead to depression. But that is not a step in mental healing.

Sadness usually involves a timeline. Something happens to cause sadness. You feel sad. You experience some sort of release. You are happy again. You can even perform in a normal way when you're sad. Depression can strike without warning, and it has no final step for closure. You feel down mentally, emotionally and physically - sometimes to the point where it's difficult to perform everyday actions.

You've hear of "good days and bad days." This is nothing but the truth. Some people may feel sluggish and empty one day, and they will be active and accepting the next day. But "good days" don't mean the depression is gone. That's why it's called a mental illness. If a cancer patient feels healthy one day, it doesn't mean the cancer disappeared. 

The most helpful thing families and friends can do is stay educated. Try to be empathetic: walk a mile in a depressed person's shoes. By increasing understanding and willingness to learn, we may see the stigma dissipate. And who knows? Perhaps it could lead to better treatment for those with depression.

Depression is depressing

This morning, I encountered a problem that a lot of people with depression have seen. I didn't know why I felt depressed, and my significant other didn't understand how that can be. I was in a horrible mood last night and I hoped I could sleep it off, but this morning brought no relief - and NO, this has nothing to do with the election. When I got out of bed and went to go get breakfast, my boyfriend asked if I was "done being cranky." The thing is, I didn't feel cranky.

As many of you know, irritability is a symptom of depression. A single, little thing can set you off. That's my mood for the day. But I recognize that it's my depression, and not a tangible thing, that's causing me to feel this way, so I try to reign it in. The problem is, it's so hard sometimes. Hiding your depression from those you love is a lot of work. And it's really not the best thing for your relationships. If those people really love you, they should accept you, your depression and try to help you in any way they can.

Returning to my morning, my boyfriend obviously knew something was wrong, but when I told him I felt depressed, he didn't understand that there wasn't any specific cause. This goes back to the mantra, we have good days and bad days. Today is a bad depression day for me. Fortunately, I am able to pick myself up, eat a good meal and haul myself to work. My heart goes out to those who experience crippling depression. I have been there too. You can get better. But at that point, I was so frustrated that I couldn't just be a normal-functioning person that my depression made me more depressed.

My boyfriend even said the words, "You look like you're angry at your tears." And I was. Being unable to completely control your emotions is frustrating and angering. Not being able to explain why or make others understand that it's beyond your control is just as frustrating.

That brings me back to the importance of education, listening and support. Our loved ones can never completely know how we feel, and that's okay. We need to understand that our friends and families are not a magical cure for our mental health. But they are the pillars, the support beams that keep us going and drive us forward. We can't be afraid to help them educate themselves. After all, this education can end up benefiting everyone.

It also helps to realize we can't just change ourselves. When depression is keeping you down, and you can't stand one more second of not being able to control your emotions, know you're not alone. There are others fighting the same demons. We are a community of survivors, and it's time to help each other take the next step toward healing.

In a relationship with your mental illness?

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly two years now. For some people, this is a small number, but for someone like me - and perhaps others with anxiety and depression - two years can seem like a very long time. For one thing, finding someone who is prepared to deal with your mental health is one of the hardest things. And it's something you always have to work on.

In my relatively short time on this Earth, I've struggled to understand why "opposites attract." It wasn't until I met my current significant other that I realized the true meaning behind this. I have mood swings, I'm emotional, and I have good and bad days. He is a rock: he's slow to anger, solid in his composure, and he rarely changes in his thoughts and beliefs. We're not complete opposites, but being emotional opposites has worked for us. I'm saying this as someone who's had experience dealing with someone who was emotionally my equal. Long story short - it was a mess, and I rarely felt good about myself.

Depression and anxiety can make relationships even harder than they already are. Being with someone who makes you feel good can be a great treatment for depression, but there are always the thoughts of uncertainty and doubt. These feelings alone can be cause for relationships to end.

Your depression might also cause your significant other to feel like it's their fault you aren't "getting better." This is a hard one to explain to people. So many times, others feel like they can pick you up off the ground, dust you off and give you a new start. The truth is, we just want someone to tell us everything is going to be okay and not make us feel worse.

I recently read an article in The Mighty, a news site for people with mental illnesses, explaining the things people with depression want their significant others to know. The responses come from actual people with depression, not a textbook or a doctors. Here are some of my favorite answers (may be shortened):

• “I don’t want advice. I’m pretty much an expert on my depression. I just need someone to listen to me when I need to talk, to validate my feelings and to support me when I need it.”
• “When I stop talking or reaching out for you, that’s when I need you the most.”
• “On my bad days, I’m sorry I’m difficult to be around. I appreciate all you do to try to help me. I know my depression is stubborn, but I promise I’m trying. 
• “I don’t need you to save me, but please be patient while I try to save myself."
• “I need you to be an active part of my recovery."

Relationships aren't easy for anyone, but ignoring your mental illness is not going to make it any better. Being open and honest about yourself will only make things better. Some people aren't able to handle the territory that comes with mental illness, but do you really want to be in a relationship with that person? The most important thing is to find someone that is going to love you while you are learning to love yourself.

Exercising - not just for physical health

I recently got a gym membership. This is a big deal for me because I hate the thought of dirty machines, not knowing what I'm doing and exercising in the presence of other people. It just got to the point where I was unhappy with my body, but more than that - I know the effect exercise has on my mental health.

I've said it in past posts, but I will always reinforce the positive effects of exercise. Don't just take it from me. According to Mayo Clinic, exercise is scientifically proven to ease the symptoms of depression. I can personally attest that this is true. You know how people say they feel great after a workout? That's because exercise produces endorphins and other chemicals that make you feel good.

So how exactly does exercise help you deal with depression? Mayo says exercise has these effects:

• Releasing endorphins and neurotransmitters (feel-good chemicals)
• Reducing immune system chemicals that can worsen depression.
• Increasing body temperature, which may help calm you
• Increasing confidence - When you're happy with your body, you're more likely to feel good mentally.
• Decrease worries. Exercise is great distraction technique.

You don't need to do a crazy workout that takes hours and hours; anything that gets your muscles moving and your heart beat up will do the trick. Walking, jogging, weight-lifting, swimming, even sporting activities will make a difference.

Even if you know exercise will help you cope with depression, sometimes physical activity seems like it will be the last thing you do. Depression drains your energy and interest, so finding the motivation to work out can be difficult. This is where your personal motivators come in. I can't tell you how to find a reason to exercise. For some people, the motivation that exercise will decrease symptoms is enough. For others, incorporating exercise into a daily routine may be a good idea. This way, it's just something you do, like sleeping or eating.

When you find the motivation, exercise is almost guaranteed to improve your depression. And who knows, maybe when you've found all-natural treatments like exercise, you'll be able to live medication-free.

Deadlines, stress & coping

I read an amazing article from Keck Medicine the other day, entitled "Your Mental Health is More Important than Your Deadlines." Just by the title, I'm sure you understand why this caught my eye. My first thought was, "FINALLY someone says something." I'm a firm believer that our productivity directly correlates with our stress level. You're naturally going to be less productive when your mind is elsewhere. This is true for everyone, not just those with mental health issues.

But for those with anxiety disorder, deadlines and work are a constant source of stress. Deadlines can loom above us like the heavy pressure before a storm. The thing is, you know the storm is coming but you're not sure you are prepared for when it hits. Although this may not be comforting, even people who have excellent time-management skills can be stressed about deadlines. It's normal! (photo cred to relatably.com)

The author of the Keck Medicine article, Anne Fritz, has some great advice for dealing with the stress surrounding deadlines. These are tips anyone can use, but I'll add an extra spin that those with anxiety problems can apply:

1. Take your deadlines seriously. Fritz says even those who claim to thrive under pressure should make sure they're fully prepared and aware of deadlines. For those with anxiety, keeping a calendar is a great way to map out time. It gives you a visual representation of the period leading up to your deadline, which might keep you better organized.
2. Schedule a meditation break. For those with and without anxiety problems, Fritz says meditation is a great way to calm your mind and body in the middle of a stressful task. Although you may want to keep moving, taking a break may just give you the extra inspiration and push to get the job done on time.
3. Get moving. According to Fritz, a change in scenery might help dislodge you from a mental rut. I would add to that, exercise is great for your mental health and will produce some of the chemicals necessary to calm you and keep you focused.
4. Set mini deadlines. Break a project into steps, and celebrate each step as a small victory. And if you meet each deadline along the way, you're sure to meet your goal.
5. Recognize that no decision is final. Fritz brings up the excellent point that you can always re-evaluate decisions later. Things change, and that's okay. For those with anxiety, sometimes we need an extra reminder that it's okay to change things and take a different direction. In the end, switching up your strategy may produce better results.

So if you're feeling stressed, follow these recommendations. You may find you're able to approach projects with less hesitation when you have a consistent strategy for keeping calm and reducing stress.

Sleep: Your greatest ally or your worst enemy?

Sleep is necessary to survive, plain and simple. For those with depression and anxiety, sleep can be both a curse and a blessing. It's well-known that sleeping too much is a symptom of depression. Perhaps this is because depression causes a lack of energy and interest. And what do you do when you have no energy? It's easy to take a nap. However, sleeping and being still too much is bad for you. As a matter of fact, some researchers say oversleeping can be as bad as not getting enough sleep.

Oversleeping messes with your circadian rhythm (the biological clock that tells your body what to do and when). That means your body isn't sure when it's time to sleep, eat or be active. It can even lead to chronic headaches and changes in the chemicals in your brain. One of these chemicals, serotonin, is one of the key ingredients to depression. If you don't get enough serotonin, it can cause depression.

Now I'm not saying people with depression shouldn't sleep. Of course you need rest. It's just important to keep a balance of activity and rest. Being active is a great way to keep the healthy chemicals flowing in your brain.

For those of us with anxiety, sleep is the thing we reach for but struggle to grasp. When I'm having trouble with overthinking or worrying about something too much, I've found that sleeping is the best solution. It turns you the brain for a little while, and lets your unconscious mind deal with things the best way it can. Sleeping is one of the best ways to counteract those negative thoughts and help you approach something from a new angle.

But it's not that easy.

Overthinking and sleep do not get along. When your brain is active, it's very difficult to fall asleep, even if your body is exhausted. All those negative thoughts and possibilities buzzing through your head can become deafening. At this point, it's all about being able to calm your mind and control your thoughts. I can't stress the effectiveness of mindfulness training enough. Learning to recognize your overthinking and control it isn't easy, but like any therapy technique, it's about practice.

If you want to use mindfulness exercises to learn to control overthinking, try meditating when your mind is already calm at first. This will help you learn the technique rather than focusing on the fact that your anxiety is out of hand. When you have the technique down, it will be easier to employ when you really need it. See my past blog on overthinking for one of my favorite meditation exercises. Here's another exercise I've used to relax at night time. I went into this exercise thinking I would listen for a few minutes then give up, but I ended up practicing this technique for nearly half an hour - at which point I fell asleep. Remember, when approaching mindfulness training, the meditation technique doesn't have to be specifically for depression or anxiety. Just use what works for you.

Overcoming ignorance

Although 350 million people globally have depression, there are still those who don't understand that mental health issues aren't made up. There are those with the "rub some dirt on it" mindset that think simply turning to happy thoughts will cure a person of depression. They think saying, "Don't worry about it" actually has an effect on a person with anxiety. Sadly, this is why there is still such a stigma associated with mental health disorders.

I saw a tweet the other day that said something like, "Panic attacks are disorders invented by big pharma to sell Xanax." You might suggest this person was being facetious, or they were commenting on an article or something fact-based. However, this person (a licensed MD), tweeted this comment without any attribution, without any source and without any clue.

A doctor shared this. A doctor said he doesn't believe panic attacks are real. A doctor has influence over people's health. Even if this man truly believes panic attacks aren't real, he should have realized he was posting something to the public - to people who may suffer from anxiety. Simply by sharing a comment like this, a person forces those with anxiety to second-guess themselves, perhaps to the point of being afraid to deal with their disorder.

I'm assuming the person who shared this tweet has never had a panic attack, nor has he seen a real panic attack. Those who make such erroneous comments haven't educated themselves and don't care to. Personally, I've experienced a few panic attacks in my time.

What people don't realize is panic attacks come in a variety of forms, with a variety of symptoms. When the average person hears "panic attack," they assume you're hyperventilating and bent over, rocking back and forth. Yes, those could be symptoms, but panic attacks don't all fit the same pattern. Sometimes a panic attack can involve sitting very still in complete silence. And they aren't always expected. Overthinking can often lead to panic attacks. That's why it's important to employ mindfulness training and be aware of your individual symptoms.

One of my first panic attacks was unexpected. I was driving my car home with the windows down, singing along with the radio. Suddenly, my heart rate shot through the roof. My chest felt like steal bars were wrapping around it. My head got fuzzy, and I became so dizzy enough to temporarily lose my vision. Luckily, it lasted less than a minute, and there were no other cars on the highway. I had no idea what was going on.

Unexpected panic attacks are dangerous because they can happen anytime, anywhere - like driving on the highway. Although not everyone with anxiety issues has panic attacks, it's still important to educate yourself and track your own triggers.

Dealing with panic attacks simply takes practice. Sometimes you won't be able to prevent a panic attack, and that's okay. Practice mindfulness training to control overthinking. Educate your family, friends and social circle about the symptoms and possibilities. This will help you during future attacks and help remove any negative or ignorant feelings of those around you. As you become more familiar with your own anxiety tendencies, you may be able to better control panic attacks.

As for my dear doctor friend who believes panic attacks aren't real, perhaps it's time to open your mind. Some of us who do believe in panic attacks have never taken Xanax.

The thing about overthinking

We've all heard it before: "Just think about something else." What the people saying this don't understand is that people with anxiety problems are almost ALWAYS thinking about "something else." When the average person (a person without mental health issues) is worried about something, it's usually possible to find a distraction or to come back to the issue later. For those with anxiety and overthinking problems, although they may have the ability to "think about something else," the real problem is always at the back of their minds.

In my (relatively) short experience with knowing I have problems with overthinking, I've realized very few people actually understand what it is. Although I can't speak for everyone, it's along these lines. You have some sort of issue in life - money is a common one, so let's go with that. You are making a big financial decision: buying a house with a partner. A person who doesn't struggle with anxiety may still consider this a major decision, but they are able to put together a coherent list of questions and concepts that are realistic for their situation.

On the other hand, a person with anxiety problems may start by taking realistic steps but is consumed by the negative possibilities. What if I can't afford a down payment? What if I don't get approved for a mortgage? What if I get stuck living in a bad neighborhood? Then my car could get broken into or stolen. Then I have to pay for a new car as well. What if my partner leaves me? Then I would have to sell the house. Where would I live? Would I be able to afford somewhere else to live? Would anyone take me in? Does anyone care enough to take me in? I don't want to bother anyone by asking...

You get the point.

Of course, anyone would worry about affording a home. And this is just one example. The real problem is that thoughts run wild, spiraling out of control until people with anxiety are too hesitant to make major, life-changing decisions. Once again, I can't speak for everyone, but in my personal experience, and for those I've spoken to, this is a common theme.

I want to stress the word "hesitant" here. People with anxiety aren't necessarily afraid of these situations. We just recognize that about a million and one things can possibly go wrong, and that makes it harder to commit to big changes.

My solution: Mindfulness training. Although there's not cure for overthinking, we can learn to manage it. I've done in-person mindfulness meditation and listened to audio for meditation exercises, and they've worked wonders. The trick with mindfulness is to relax your body and brain enough to recognize your own thoughts. Recognize the good thoughts, the bad thoughts, the distractions - and yes, the overthinking. When you are able to tell yourself, this is a thought I'm having and it doesn't control me, you are able to move on. Control is a big issue for those of us with anxiety, and mindfulness gives you just a little more control over your mind.



Continue mindfulness training long enough, and you'll be able to identify and control your overthinking without meditating. I've included a link to a video from the Center for Mind-Body Medicine and the Veteran's Health Administration which includes one of my favorite meditation techniques: Soft Belly Meditation. It requires you to focus so much on breathing and your physical presence that there's no time to overthink. Remember, recognizing you have control over your own thoughts is the first step to healthy thinking.

"High functioning"

You've probably heard it before: "High-functioning depression." When I first heard it, I understood what it meant somewhat, but I was curious. Apparently, it's often referred to as "low grade depression" because the term "high-functioning" can be deceiving. One definition says a person is "high-functioning" when they have been diagnosed with depression but can "suppress their condition enough to carry out everyday responsibilities." As with most definitions, it's doesn't really get into the core of the issue. Or even a real description. I have a problem with this because I've been described (and described myself) as high-functioning without anyone really saying what it's like.

When I was first told I have depression, my psychologist described it as "major depressive disorder," which can be daunting to someone who's barely making it day-to-day. Major depressive disorder is different from low-grade depression in that it affects almost every activity in everyday life - from school to work to social activities. It's often accompanied by anxiety disorder or symptoms of anxiety (I have my hand raised on this one), and causes a depressed mood, lack of enjoyment and interest, and reduced energy. If this sounds like you, I highly encourage getting in contact with a medical professional. There's no reason to struggle everyday because of a mental condition.

Most people think major depression is the only option, so they spurn their own feelings of moderate depression and don't think they need treatment. The thing about high-functioning depression is that it's a time bomb. Unless they know you well, most people can't tell you have a mental illness purely by observing you. In some cases, this can be beneficial. You are treated like a "normal" person in work, social activities and everyday life.

But there's harm that can come from unaddressed depression. I read a fantastic article in Upworthy awhile ago that describes one college student's story. This really resonated with me when I first read it because it was almost an exact replica of the situation I was in. As told in this story, the "I had no idea" suicide stories often come from people who are high-functioning. My favorite quote from this piece really gets to the core of the challenge of high-functioning depression: "When we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks."

As someone who is high-functioning, I'd like to share a side of the story that is very much behind the scenes. Few people in my life would believe I'm still experiencing some of the symptoms that accompany depression and anxiety. At night, I have trouble sleeping because the thoughts in my head become so overwhelming. Multiple times, I've had panic attacks in bed at night with my live-in boyfriend sleeping peacefully beside me. Some days, waking up and going to work seems like it might be the last thing I do. I've never taken a "mental health day" because my depression got so bad, but looking back, I wonder if I should have. In some ways, I think I didn't want people to know.

You'd never expect someone that's excelling at their job is depressed. You'd never think the girl tearing it up at the gym is there to get the endorphins flowing as a home treatment for depression. The straight A student. The company vice president. The successful entrepreneur. They're all out there, but somehow our society has put all people with depression into one category. Yes, all people struggling with depression should be helped, but we need to find a way to make sure no one is "slipping through the cracks."

Hey there!

Hello, internet! Welcome to my blog More than Happy Pills. You might be asking yourself, "More than Happy Pills? What's that supposed to mean?" Fear not, I'm not going to be teaching you about drugs. The purpose of this blog is to share what it's been like for me, living as a person with anxiety and depression. My goal is to share my own and others' stories, the successes, the horrors and what life is like overall for people in my situation.

I don't want to bore you with my stories or sound like I'm complaining, but I know I'm not the only one out there with these health issues. And I'm not the only one writing about them. But I am someone who is willing to take a walk in just about anyone's shoes. I'm willing to tell my story and share what I know, in the hopes that maybe one person will be better off for it (even if that person is me).

So back to my title. Have you ever tried treatment for depression and anxiety? In my personal experience, it's a rough road. As someone who came from a family where mental health wasn't considered much of a "real thing," the people I'm close to had a hard time understanding what I was going through when I finally received a diagnosis. They didn't know what was going through my head, what I felt, why I couldn't understand what I felt, and how I could get better. I spent a year on antidepressants, going through therapy with a wonderful man who taught me it was okay to not be okay. I decided to shoulder the antidepressants a little over a year and a half ago. I felt like my life was going in a good direction, and I'd learned how to manage my conditions. And I strongly dislike putting pills into my body to be "healthy."

Don't get me wrong; antidepressants can work wonders. They helped me control my overthinking and got rid of the cold emptiness of depression. The trick was making myself into a person who could handle depression and anxiety without the help of drugs. I just needed to clear my mind first. But it takes more to become a person who's living life, rather than enduring it. It's more than the pills, more than the therapy, more than support from family and friends. That's why I'm here. I need to vent about the things in this world that affect so many people, but still exist under such stigma.

So thank you for taking a moment out of your day to consider my thoughts. And as cheesy as it sounds, I'm here for each and every one of you reading this. Yes, everyone says that, but I promise here and now that if anyone needs help, you can reach out to me and receive an answer. I may not be a doctor or a psychologist, but I'm someone with an open mind who's willing to talk.

And remember, if you're going to enjoy life, you've got to try more than the happy pills.