Overcoming ignorance

Although 350 million people globally have depression, there are still those who don't understand that mental health issues aren't made up. There are those with the "rub some dirt on it" mindset that think simply turning to happy thoughts will cure a person of depression. They think saying, "Don't worry about it" actually has an effect on a person with anxiety. Sadly, this is why there is still such a stigma associated with mental health disorders.

I saw a tweet the other day that said something like, "Panic attacks are disorders invented by big pharma to sell Xanax." You might suggest this person was being facetious, or they were commenting on an article or something fact-based. However, this person (a licensed MD), tweeted this comment without any attribution, without any source and without any clue.

A doctor shared this. A doctor said he doesn't believe panic attacks are real. A doctor has influence over people's health. Even if this man truly believes panic attacks aren't real, he should have realized he was posting something to the public - to people who may suffer from anxiety. Simply by sharing a comment like this, a person forces those with anxiety to second-guess themselves, perhaps to the point of being afraid to deal with their disorder.

I'm assuming the person who shared this tweet has never had a panic attack, nor has he seen a real panic attack. Those who make such erroneous comments haven't educated themselves and don't care to. Personally, I've experienced a few panic attacks in my time.

What people don't realize is panic attacks come in a variety of forms, with a variety of symptoms. When the average person hears "panic attack," they assume you're hyperventilating and bent over, rocking back and forth. Yes, those could be symptoms, but panic attacks don't all fit the same pattern. Sometimes a panic attack can involve sitting very still in complete silence. And they aren't always expected. Overthinking can often lead to panic attacks. That's why it's important to employ mindfulness training and be aware of your individual symptoms.

One of my first panic attacks was unexpected. I was driving my car home with the windows down, singing along with the radio. Suddenly, my heart rate shot through the roof. My chest felt like steal bars were wrapping around it. My head got fuzzy, and I became so dizzy enough to temporarily lose my vision. Luckily, it lasted less than a minute, and there were no other cars on the highway. I had no idea what was going on.

Unexpected panic attacks are dangerous because they can happen anytime, anywhere - like driving on the highway. Although not everyone with anxiety issues has panic attacks, it's still important to educate yourself and track your own triggers.

Dealing with panic attacks simply takes practice. Sometimes you won't be able to prevent a panic attack, and that's okay. Practice mindfulness training to control overthinking. Educate your family, friends and social circle about the symptoms and possibilities. This will help you during future attacks and help remove any negative or ignorant feelings of those around you. As you become more familiar with your own anxiety tendencies, you may be able to better control panic attacks.

As for my dear doctor friend who believes panic attacks aren't real, perhaps it's time to open your mind. Some of us who do believe in panic attacks have never taken Xanax.

The thing about overthinking

We've all heard it before: "Just think about something else." What the people saying this don't understand is that people with anxiety problems are almost ALWAYS thinking about "something else." When the average person (a person without mental health issues) is worried about something, it's usually possible to find a distraction or to come back to the issue later. For those with anxiety and overthinking problems, although they may have the ability to "think about something else," the real problem is always at the back of their minds.

In my (relatively) short experience with knowing I have problems with overthinking, I've realized very few people actually understand what it is. Although I can't speak for everyone, it's along these lines. You have some sort of issue in life - money is a common one, so let's go with that. You are making a big financial decision: buying a house with a partner. A person who doesn't struggle with anxiety may still consider this a major decision, but they are able to put together a coherent list of questions and concepts that are realistic for their situation.

On the other hand, a person with anxiety problems may start by taking realistic steps but is consumed by the negative possibilities. What if I can't afford a down payment? What if I don't get approved for a mortgage? What if I get stuck living in a bad neighborhood? Then my car could get broken into or stolen. Then I have to pay for a new car as well. What if my partner leaves me? Then I would have to sell the house. Where would I live? Would I be able to afford somewhere else to live? Would anyone take me in? Does anyone care enough to take me in? I don't want to bother anyone by asking...

You get the point.

Of course, anyone would worry about affording a home. And this is just one example. The real problem is that thoughts run wild, spiraling out of control until people with anxiety are too hesitant to make major, life-changing decisions. Once again, I can't speak for everyone, but in my personal experience, and for those I've spoken to, this is a common theme.

I want to stress the word "hesitant" here. People with anxiety aren't necessarily afraid of these situations. We just recognize that about a million and one things can possibly go wrong, and that makes it harder to commit to big changes.

My solution: Mindfulness training. Although there's not cure for overthinking, we can learn to manage it. I've done in-person mindfulness meditation and listened to audio for meditation exercises, and they've worked wonders. The trick with mindfulness is to relax your body and brain enough to recognize your own thoughts. Recognize the good thoughts, the bad thoughts, the distractions - and yes, the overthinking. When you are able to tell yourself, this is a thought I'm having and it doesn't control me, you are able to move on. Control is a big issue for those of us with anxiety, and mindfulness gives you just a little more control over your mind.



Continue mindfulness training long enough, and you'll be able to identify and control your overthinking without meditating. I've included a link to a video from the Center for Mind-Body Medicine and the Veteran's Health Administration which includes one of my favorite meditation techniques: Soft Belly Meditation. It requires you to focus so much on breathing and your physical presence that there's no time to overthink. Remember, recognizing you have control over your own thoughts is the first step to healthy thinking.

"High functioning"

You've probably heard it before: "High-functioning depression." When I first heard it, I understood what it meant somewhat, but I was curious. Apparently, it's often referred to as "low grade depression" because the term "high-functioning" can be deceiving. One definition says a person is "high-functioning" when they have been diagnosed with depression but can "suppress their condition enough to carry out everyday responsibilities." As with most definitions, it's doesn't really get into the core of the issue. Or even a real description. I have a problem with this because I've been described (and described myself) as high-functioning without anyone really saying what it's like.

When I was first told I have depression, my psychologist described it as "major depressive disorder," which can be daunting to someone who's barely making it day-to-day. Major depressive disorder is different from low-grade depression in that it affects almost every activity in everyday life - from school to work to social activities. It's often accompanied by anxiety disorder or symptoms of anxiety (I have my hand raised on this one), and causes a depressed mood, lack of enjoyment and interest, and reduced energy. If this sounds like you, I highly encourage getting in contact with a medical professional. There's no reason to struggle everyday because of a mental condition.

Most people think major depression is the only option, so they spurn their own feelings of moderate depression and don't think they need treatment. The thing about high-functioning depression is that it's a time bomb. Unless they know you well, most people can't tell you have a mental illness purely by observing you. In some cases, this can be beneficial. You are treated like a "normal" person in work, social activities and everyday life.

But there's harm that can come from unaddressed depression. I read a fantastic article in Upworthy awhile ago that describes one college student's story. This really resonated with me when I first read it because it was almost an exact replica of the situation I was in. As told in this story, the "I had no idea" suicide stories often come from people who are high-functioning. My favorite quote from this piece really gets to the core of the challenge of high-functioning depression: "When we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks."

As someone who is high-functioning, I'd like to share a side of the story that is very much behind the scenes. Few people in my life would believe I'm still experiencing some of the symptoms that accompany depression and anxiety. At night, I have trouble sleeping because the thoughts in my head become so overwhelming. Multiple times, I've had panic attacks in bed at night with my live-in boyfriend sleeping peacefully beside me. Some days, waking up and going to work seems like it might be the last thing I do. I've never taken a "mental health day" because my depression got so bad, but looking back, I wonder if I should have. In some ways, I think I didn't want people to know.

You'd never expect someone that's excelling at their job is depressed. You'd never think the girl tearing it up at the gym is there to get the endorphins flowing as a home treatment for depression. The straight A student. The company vice president. The successful entrepreneur. They're all out there, but somehow our society has put all people with depression into one category. Yes, all people struggling with depression should be helped, but we need to find a way to make sure no one is "slipping through the cracks."

Hey there!

Hello, internet! Welcome to my blog More than Happy Pills. You might be asking yourself, "More than Happy Pills? What's that supposed to mean?" Fear not, I'm not going to be teaching you about drugs. The purpose of this blog is to share what it's been like for me, living as a person with anxiety and depression. My goal is to share my own and others' stories, the successes, the horrors and what life is like overall for people in my situation.

I don't want to bore you with my stories or sound like I'm complaining, but I know I'm not the only one out there with these health issues. And I'm not the only one writing about them. But I am someone who is willing to take a walk in just about anyone's shoes. I'm willing to tell my story and share what I know, in the hopes that maybe one person will be better off for it (even if that person is me).

So back to my title. Have you ever tried treatment for depression and anxiety? In my personal experience, it's a rough road. As someone who came from a family where mental health wasn't considered much of a "real thing," the people I'm close to had a hard time understanding what I was going through when I finally received a diagnosis. They didn't know what was going through my head, what I felt, why I couldn't understand what I felt, and how I could get better. I spent a year on antidepressants, going through therapy with a wonderful man who taught me it was okay to not be okay. I decided to shoulder the antidepressants a little over a year and a half ago. I felt like my life was going in a good direction, and I'd learned how to manage my conditions. And I strongly dislike putting pills into my body to be "healthy."

Don't get me wrong; antidepressants can work wonders. They helped me control my overthinking and got rid of the cold emptiness of depression. The trick was making myself into a person who could handle depression and anxiety without the help of drugs. I just needed to clear my mind first. But it takes more to become a person who's living life, rather than enduring it. It's more than the pills, more than the therapy, more than support from family and friends. That's why I'm here. I need to vent about the things in this world that affect so many people, but still exist under such stigma.

So thank you for taking a moment out of your day to consider my thoughts. And as cheesy as it sounds, I'm here for each and every one of you reading this. Yes, everyone says that, but I promise here and now that if anyone needs help, you can reach out to me and receive an answer. I may not be a doctor or a psychologist, but I'm someone with an open mind who's willing to talk.

And remember, if you're going to enjoy life, you've got to try more than the happy pills.