Tackling the Catch-22

Becoming aware of your mental illness is a big deal. It's one of the first steps on the way to controlling your thoughts and actions, and ultimately, feeling good. Awareness isn't easy to achieve on your own. It can take years of therapy and visits with psychologists. And I'm not talking awareness as in, "Yes, I know I have a mental illness." I'm referring to the point when you can recognize that your illness is affecting you, and you have the ability to redirect your thoughts or actions.

For example, when you recognize that your anxiety is taking over. You may become aware that you're overthinking or overanalyzing a simple situation. Awareness is realizing your anxiety is the thing that's causing you to feel or act a certain way - and you can take steps to change your attitude or behavior.

Like I said, it's a monumental achievement. But there will always be people that turn the good things around.

When you've become aware of your mental illness, chances are you become "high functioning." People see you acting "normal" and behaving like a "normal" person, but you still have your mental illness. However, if people can't see you actively being depressed or anxious, they may assume you're making it up. Some things that I've personally had said to me or I've heard said to others include:

• If you can control it, then it's not really an illness is it?
• Depressed people are depressed all the time. You act normal most of the time.
• Why can't you stop yourself from having a panic attack?

Those are just scratching the surface. Those who don't "believe in" mental illnesses will come up with any excuse to make us look bad. And that leads me to the Catch-22: "You're using your mental illness as an excuse." People have begun to think that being aware of your mental illness is just a ploy to pretend to have a condition - and then get away with certain behaviors. Someone once said to me, "You use your anxiety as an excuse for everything. If you realize you're overthinking, then just stop."

You heard me. JUST STOP.

Here, let me just turn my brain off for a minute because I can JUST STOP having anxiety disorder. Yup, totally possible. Rant over.

I have good news and bad news. The good news: There are ways to tackle the Catch-22. The bad news: Like I said before, there will always be people who don't believe what science has proven true.

If you have a supportive base of friends and family, and even others who need an explanation to know why you're able to act like a normal person while still having a mental illness, consider these ideas:

1. If you're like me, you've likely been experiencing symptoms of your mental illness long before you were diagnosed. You didn't begin acting like a depressed person when you were diagnosed with depression. You had panic attacks before being diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Explain to these people that you have educated yourself on your condition to learn more about your own behavior to become a healthier person.
2. It's really none of their business. But if they make it their business to question why you act a certain way, tell them this is a coping mechanism suggested by a mental health professional. Now, I don't know if you've actually seen a therapist or a psychologist, but like I said, it's none of their business. People can't argue with treatment.
3. Make it about them. One way to make sure people don't question you is to make them feel like you're acting a certain way for their sake. Not their fault, just for their consideration. For example, you could say you feel like you trust them so much you feel comfortable with sharing insider information on your mental illness. Sure, you act that way around everyone, but chances are, they haven't been paying that much attention.

These tips may seem selfish to some, but this is about surviving and living your life. These are real tips, for real people with mental illnesses. I'm no doctor. But I've been there.

I'm also not promoting dishonesty. Lying gets you nowhere, and being open about your illness can be freeing. These are just some strategies that can get you out of a tough conversation - a conversation that doesn't need to be had until you're ready.

Learning to love yourself

Thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.

I don't remember where I first heard it or who said it. Maybe I'm imagining the fact that I read this somewhere. All I know is, the moment I heard/read this, I understood.

Learning to love yourself can be a struggle for anyone with a mental illness - not just those of us with anxiety and depression. Not having your brain function like a "normal" person can be frustrating, embarrassing, and make you wish you were someone else. And for people who claim to be "just fine" with their mental illness, have you really never felt like this?

Now, loving yourself is a huge challenge. Monumental. And feeling negatively toward yourself doesn't exactly make believing that someone else loves you easy. I'm sure I'll be that person that's asking, "Are you sure?" on the way to the alter.

Props to WeHeartIt for the image, by the way. Always good for a laugh.

When you have finally accepted the fact that another person may actually love you, it's important to realize just what they go through to be with you. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having a mental illness, but I'll admit I'm a handful.

Anyone that makes an effort to deal with the mood swings, the panic attacks and the "bad days" deserves an award. And by dealing with things, I don't mean sitting there waiting for it to pass. Because that's not real love.

I'm talking about the people in our lives (not just significant others) that make the effort to figure out your triggers, who as about your day and actually mean it, and the people who know whether or not it's okay to touch you during a panic attack. Those are the people that make life easier. They are bright rays of sunshine on our dark puddles. And they understand that we don't always love ourselves - and they 're okay with it.

Every day can be a struggle to love yourself. My advice: Pick out one thing each day, no matter how bad of a day it is. One single thing to love. It could be how bright your eyes are or how clear your skin is. It could be how you make people laugh even when you don't feel like laughing. It could be that you're empathetic or passionate or brave. Heck, it could even be that you have the ability to survive a Minnesota winter if you're up here by me.

Finding that one thing could make all the difference in your ability to both accept yourself and accept the love of another person.

In the meantime, thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.