Hello again. I must apologize for the lack of posting these past few months. I've started a bigger project, and it's taking up much of my time. You see, I am writing a book to share my journey with mental illness. It has always been my dream to become an author. And what better way to start than by writing what you know?
I think it's so important for us to get our stories out there. Although there are not two equal experiences with mental illness, seeing it out there and knowing you're represented is huge. It's a major step toward removing the stigma around metal health issues and helping people take a hold of their condition. I can only hope the things I write help someone in some way. Even one person is a victory.
I hope to continue sharing blogs as I write my story. The frequency may be less often, but these issues are never gone. I'll leave you with this.
Take today to make an impact. It doesn't have to be on someone with a mental illness. It can be anyone. Reach out. Ask someone how they're doing. Ask how you can make their day better. Or it you're the one who needs a helping hand, make a small request. Ask for some quiet time. Or ask for a hug. Only communication can help us escape from our heads.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Finding sanity in my insanity
Okay, so this title is a bit of an overstatement. But here goes. I used my overthinking to my advantage.
That sentence, in itself, is enough achievement for a whole blog, but I'll explain myself. Disclaimer: This whole situation might feel a bit silly and small to a "normal" person, but it felt like a big deal to me.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend started playing Pokemon Go. Yes, I know we're a year too late to the party, but hey, we're 90's kids. He downloaded the game at the same time our neighbor did, who is also a young man, mid-20's. And they started playing the game together. And I mean PLAYING, as in running out of the house at 10 p.m. because "there's a Snorlax in the Toys R Us parking lot."
Anyway, I felt very left out. Here I was, sitting alone at home while he and his buddy ran around like kids. It felt very petty of me, which is why I started overthinking in the first place. Here's a bit of how my stream of thoughts went:
Why do I feel this bad? It's just a stupid game.
But he plays all the time. Is it because he doesn't want to be around me?
No, that's stupid. You're a person. He just finds the game fun and interesting.
So if it's not me, why is he leaving all the time?
Well, he does like to hang out with our neighbor. They're good friends.
But I'm his friend too. Doesn't he want to play with me?
Play the game? Do you need an invitation?
After all that figuring out why I felt bad and being alone, I decided to swallow my pride. Who cared if it was a stupid game? The problem was that I was depressed and alone. The solution was to find a way to stop being depressed and alone. A.K.A to play the game.
And you know what? It worked.
We started hanging out more, going on walks, going out with our neighbors. I could tell when we went out that the young man's wife was feeling the same way I had been: left out, lonely, and frustrated. I just didn't think it was my place to tell her what to do. In some ways, I wish I'd felt comfortable telling her I understood.
As ever, I can't stop myself from giving a little advice. Yes, this was a pretty easily-handled situation. But I could have very easily just sat there and continued to think about it and be lonely and overanalyze why the game was more fun than I was. Instead, and maybe it was by chance, my brain gave me an option I needed. It gave me a solution to the questions circling around my mind. If you often find yourself overthinking about a situation, it can help to try and focus your thoughts in a direction that leads to answers - if you can't turn off the overthinking entirely. This is a form of therapy in itself. Another part of being aware of your own thoughts. You have all these thoughts buzzing through your head. There's bound to be a solution in there somewhere.
That sentence, in itself, is enough achievement for a whole blog, but I'll explain myself. Disclaimer: This whole situation might feel a bit silly and small to a "normal" person, but it felt like a big deal to me.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend started playing Pokemon Go. Yes, I know we're a year too late to the party, but hey, we're 90's kids. He downloaded the game at the same time our neighbor did, who is also a young man, mid-20's. And they started playing the game together. And I mean PLAYING, as in running out of the house at 10 p.m. because "there's a Snorlax in the Toys R Us parking lot."
Anyway, I felt very left out. Here I was, sitting alone at home while he and his buddy ran around like kids. It felt very petty of me, which is why I started overthinking in the first place. Here's a bit of how my stream of thoughts went:
Why do I feel this bad? It's just a stupid game.
But he plays all the time. Is it because he doesn't want to be around me?
No, that's stupid. You're a person. He just finds the game fun and interesting.
So if it's not me, why is he leaving all the time?
Well, he does like to hang out with our neighbor. They're good friends.
But I'm his friend too. Doesn't he want to play with me?
Play the game? Do you need an invitation?
After all that figuring out why I felt bad and being alone, I decided to swallow my pride. Who cared if it was a stupid game? The problem was that I was depressed and alone. The solution was to find a way to stop being depressed and alone. A.K.A to play the game.
And you know what? It worked.
We started hanging out more, going on walks, going out with our neighbors. I could tell when we went out that the young man's wife was feeling the same way I had been: left out, lonely, and frustrated. I just didn't think it was my place to tell her what to do. In some ways, I wish I'd felt comfortable telling her I understood.
As ever, I can't stop myself from giving a little advice. Yes, this was a pretty easily-handled situation. But I could have very easily just sat there and continued to think about it and be lonely and overanalyze why the game was more fun than I was. Instead, and maybe it was by chance, my brain gave me an option I needed. It gave me a solution to the questions circling around my mind. If you often find yourself overthinking about a situation, it can help to try and focus your thoughts in a direction that leads to answers - if you can't turn off the overthinking entirely. This is a form of therapy in itself. Another part of being aware of your own thoughts. You have all these thoughts buzzing through your head. There's bound to be a solution in there somewhere.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Overthinking your way to worse health
Overthinking. It's enough to keep you up at night - literally.
As I've mentioned time and time again, anxiety can do some ugly things to your thoughts. But it's not always the ugly things that can affect someone with anxiety disorder. Simply thinking about too many things, all the time can be a struggle to live with. These thoughts can just be thoughts, not worries or anything that a "normal" person would label as "anxious."
That's the thing about anxiety. People don't always realize that it's not that you're feeling anxious all the time. Sometimes there are just thoughts in your head that spiral out of control. Heck, the overwhelming number of thoughts going through our heads can be enough to make a person anxious. But what we fail to understand is how this overthinking and general anxiety hurt other parts of our health. I've heard others (and probably argued this myself) say that "It's only in my head. It's not hurting the other parts of me." Maybe not directly, but the problems that come along with anxiety can be dangerous to our health.
For one thing, overthinking can make you stressed. Stress and anxiety kind of go hand in hand. But stress can affect our sleep, eating habits, and overall physical health. And when you're not in peak physical condition, you have a much smaller chance of being able to effectively deal with mental illness.
Those who know me could tell you the most common reason I can't sleep is because "my brain woke up." I'm sure other people with anxiety issues can relate. One moment you're in a peaceful, deep slumber. Then the next, you wake up and start thinking. You may not even realize you're thinking. And it may not even be something that makes you anxious. Your brain just turns itself on and thoughts get out of control. It can be frustrating - and there's another element of your health affected by overthinking: emotional health.
It's easy to say people with mental health issues also have problems with emotional health. But it's not that simple. It's not like we don't feel happy or angry or sad or any of the other emotions a "normal" person experiences. The problem is that our emotions can get thrown off easily. Queue the overthinking.
I hate to throw some math out there, but let's try this equation:
Anxiety + overthinking + lack of sleep = unstable emotions
Get it? Even a person without a mental illness has probably experienced this problem. So what's the solution? As with all things mental health related, I'm sorry, but it's not easy. I cannot stress enough the power of guided meditation. The ability to control your thoughts is so valuable. It's really a skill everyone should learn. A hint if you're trying to get back to sleep: I've heard focusing on one thing and trying to get all the details right helps. Like picturing your childhood home. For me personally, I like to replay episodes of TV shows in my mind or recall a recipe I've recently made. It's mostly a matter of getting your mind to focus on one thing.
Do you have any suggestions on how to control overthinking? What works for one doesn't work for all. Only by working together to understand and treat mental illness can we overcome these barriers.
Those who know me could tell you the most common reason I can't sleep is because "my brain woke up." I'm sure other people with anxiety issues can relate. One moment you're in a peaceful, deep slumber. Then the next, you wake up and start thinking. You may not even realize you're thinking. And it may not even be something that makes you anxious. Your brain just turns itself on and thoughts get out of control. It can be frustrating - and there's another element of your health affected by overthinking: emotional health.
It's easy to say people with mental health issues also have problems with emotional health. But it's not that simple. It's not like we don't feel happy or angry or sad or any of the other emotions a "normal" person experiences. The problem is that our emotions can get thrown off easily. Queue the overthinking.
I hate to throw some math out there, but let's try this equation:
Anxiety + overthinking + lack of sleep = unstable emotions
Get it? Even a person without a mental illness has probably experienced this problem. So what's the solution? As with all things mental health related, I'm sorry, but it's not easy. I cannot stress enough the power of guided meditation. The ability to control your thoughts is so valuable. It's really a skill everyone should learn. A hint if you're trying to get back to sleep: I've heard focusing on one thing and trying to get all the details right helps. Like picturing your childhood home. For me personally, I like to replay episodes of TV shows in my mind or recall a recipe I've recently made. It's mostly a matter of getting your mind to focus on one thing.
Do you have any suggestions on how to control overthinking? What works for one doesn't work for all. Only by working together to understand and treat mental illness can we overcome these barriers.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
I'd like to talk to you about suicide
Of all the topics related to mental illness, suicide triggers some of the worst reactions. And to be honest, I can understand why people don't want to talk about it. But here's the thing. Do you really think people who are suicidal want to think about it? How can we figure out how to stop suicide if everyone is afraid to talk about it?
I recently read an article in The Mighty that was about how patients with different categories of suicidal attempts are treated differently. The author, a nurse, describes how patients whose attempt is more "serious," or had more life-threatening results will be treated with understanding, compassion and patience. Those with "less serious" attempts (a non-lethal dose of medication or non-life threatening injuries) receive less sympathy are are described as a "waste of time."
However, I, like this nurse, believe anyone who is purposely self-harming needs to be taken seriously and cared for kindly. You never truly know a person's intention if they end up surviving a suicide attempt. Were they actually trying to succeed? Was it a "cry for help?" But it doesn't matter. The fact is, a suicide attempt means serious mental illness (note the lack of quotes this time).
The author of this piece said something that really resonated with me: "Just because I didn’t end up in the emergency department didn’t make my determination to kill myself less serious."
Most of us with depression and anxiety issues are silent about them, so it makes sense that people ask, "Why?" after a suicide. Often, you hear, "Why didn't he/she talk to me about it? They should have come to me." But we must remember, this is a mental illness. Not only do we feel as though we'd be bothering you with our issues, but the fact it, the stigma alone is enough to stop someone from reaching out.
There are so many emotions that admitting you feel suicidal can bring up - both for yourself and those you're telling. We feel isolated, terrified, empty, and talking about suicidal thoughts can pile onto that. The challenge is to create a supportive environment. Many times, those with mental illness aren't looking for your answers. I'm sorry, but this is true. We aren't asking you to fix us. We aren't trying to get answers to questions. We don't really want advice.
We just want you to listen.
The fear of being committed to a treatment center is also a major barrier to discussing suicide. Although in some cases, this may be necessary, but those with suicidal thoughts want to be normal. My advice for those with mental illness: As hard as it may be, try to start the conversation. And as always, you're not alone.
For family and friends of those with mental illness, just because your loved one is depressed, DOES NOT mean they are suicidal. Please be gentle. Create that supportive environment. Listen. Provide a shoulder to cry on, if need be. In severe cases, don't be afraid to take action. I'll even admit that our minds aren't always in the right place, and sometimes we need a push to do the right thing.
I recently read an article in The Mighty that was about how patients with different categories of suicidal attempts are treated differently. The author, a nurse, describes how patients whose attempt is more "serious," or had more life-threatening results will be treated with understanding, compassion and patience. Those with "less serious" attempts (a non-lethal dose of medication or non-life threatening injuries) receive less sympathy are are described as a "waste of time."
However, I, like this nurse, believe anyone who is purposely self-harming needs to be taken seriously and cared for kindly. You never truly know a person's intention if they end up surviving a suicide attempt. Were they actually trying to succeed? Was it a "cry for help?" But it doesn't matter. The fact is, a suicide attempt means serious mental illness (note the lack of quotes this time).
The author of this piece said something that really resonated with me: "Just because I didn’t end up in the emergency department didn’t make my determination to kill myself less serious."
Most of us with depression and anxiety issues are silent about them, so it makes sense that people ask, "Why?" after a suicide. Often, you hear, "Why didn't he/she talk to me about it? They should have come to me." But we must remember, this is a mental illness. Not only do we feel as though we'd be bothering you with our issues, but the fact it, the stigma alone is enough to stop someone from reaching out.
There are so many emotions that admitting you feel suicidal can bring up - both for yourself and those you're telling. We feel isolated, terrified, empty, and talking about suicidal thoughts can pile onto that. The challenge is to create a supportive environment. Many times, those with mental illness aren't looking for your answers. I'm sorry, but this is true. We aren't asking you to fix us. We aren't trying to get answers to questions. We don't really want advice.
We just want you to listen.
The fear of being committed to a treatment center is also a major barrier to discussing suicide. Although in some cases, this may be necessary, but those with suicidal thoughts want to be normal. My advice for those with mental illness: As hard as it may be, try to start the conversation. And as always, you're not alone.
For family and friends of those with mental illness, just because your loved one is depressed, DOES NOT mean they are suicidal. Please be gentle. Create that supportive environment. Listen. Provide a shoulder to cry on, if need be. In severe cases, don't be afraid to take action. I'll even admit that our minds aren't always in the right place, and sometimes we need a push to do the right thing.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
The science behind exercise & depression
I've never been a fan of running. Not only am I horribly uncoordinated, but it just feels silly. So when it comes to exercise, I've had to find other ways to get my heart pumping. In a past blog on the how exercise can fight depression, I discussed how a quick work out can have benefits beyond physical health. With summer right around the corner, I thought I'd bring back the topic and discuss the chemical and scientific reasons behind why exercise helps treat depression.
Now, I fully support the use of antidepressants in cases where they're called for. However, (as you may assume from the title of this blog) I believe overcoming depression and anxiety takes more than medication. And for those like me, who are no longer on antidepressants, exercise can be a great way to right the bad days.
There have been many articles and studies focused around the effects of physical activity and exercise on depression. One that hit me recently was a doctor who shared her personal experiences with how depression can treat depression. In this article, Dr. Jennifer Closshey stresses the importance of regular exercise to treat depression, rather than as a one-time activity. Granted, a one-time exercise can help you feel better, but it will be for the short term.
It's still unclear to medical professionals exactly why exercise helps depression and anxiety, but it's agreed that exercise does have benefits. Exercise releases what the article calls "feel good" chemicals, like endorphins and endocannabinoids. Other evidence is that exercise reduces immune system chemicals and increases body temperature. Because immune system chemicals can make depression worse, exercise helps detoxify your system. Evidence also shows that a higher body temperature has a relaxing effect.
Other non-chemical benefits include:
- Self confidence and improved self esteem
- Increased social interaction
- Distraction from negative thoughts
What science doesn't tell us is exactly how often to exercise and the level of intensity. Because no two people are the same and depression hits people differently, it's safe to assume there's no set-in-stone exercise time.
My suggestion is to just go for it. Start slow - this is a good rule of thumb for anyone that's just starting an exercise routine. Exercise moderately a few times a week, but don't push yourself too hard. If you keep up an exercise routine, you'll naturally become stronger and push yourself harder. You may not notice the effects at first, but it's vital to not give up. Almost no treatment in this world is instantaneous. You may hate hearing it, but it's true: as with everything else in life, just keep at it. Don't give in. You're stronger than you know.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Anxiety: When your mind isn't nervous but your body is
How do I know that anxiety disorder is real? I can have no mental reaction to a situation, but I still have a physiological response. I don't consider myself someone who gets anxious about social situations because mentally, I'm totally fine with it. The thing is, even when I feel perfectly comfortable, sometimes by body still gets a stress trigger. There is nothing more frustrating.
I've never really heard of anyone else experiencing this problem, which is perhaps why I want to share this. It's not something anyone ever talks about. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that my anxiety could even trigger these purely physiological responses until this past year.
The best example I can give is singing. I love to sing. I'm actually pretty decent at singing, too. In college, I would go to the weekly campus karaoke night with my best friend, and I discovered my body's frustrating response to a situation most people consider stressful. I just wanted to sing. I didn't mind the group of people (it was relatively small, 10-15 people). But as soon as I started to sing, my voice was higher pitched, I couldn't seem to change keys, and I felt hot. I didn't feel nervous one bit, but my body decided I felt that way. As a comparison, when I'm alone, my singing is perfectly normal.
I also encountered the same issue in high school when I was in theatre. Not one bit of nerves, but as soon as I hit the stage, my body betrayed me. I truly wonder if anyone else has experienced this same issue. I cannot explain how irritating it is to feel like your body is out of control in a situation where you feel controlled.
That's a common issue with anxiety: control. We want to be in control of every detail of our lives, so when the unexpected happens, it can be alarming. You know what I'm talking about; people call us perfectionists, say we have OCD. They don't understand that keeping organized means our lives are in control. And being in control can actually help when other situations go a different way than expected.
It can be difficult to give up that control, but we need to realize not every situation needs to fall into our hands. I challenge anyone out there - whether you have anxiety or not - to let go of some of your control. No, I'm not saying you should go jump naked in a public fountain. That's illegal.
I'm saying it's time to embrace the unexpected. You had a project at work that just got changed drastically without your input? Channel that lack of control into creative thinking. You're good at overthinking, aren't you? If you know your body and mind's reaction to stressful situations, it can be helpful to channel those reactions into the situation in a positive way. If you're not completely aware of your reactions yet, then that's my challenge for you. Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety and how you perceive those situations. That not only leads to greater self control, but you may find new ways of dealing with anxiety.
I've never really heard of anyone else experiencing this problem, which is perhaps why I want to share this. It's not something anyone ever talks about. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that my anxiety could even trigger these purely physiological responses until this past year.
The best example I can give is singing. I love to sing. I'm actually pretty decent at singing, too. In college, I would go to the weekly campus karaoke night with my best friend, and I discovered my body's frustrating response to a situation most people consider stressful. I just wanted to sing. I didn't mind the group of people (it was relatively small, 10-15 people). But as soon as I started to sing, my voice was higher pitched, I couldn't seem to change keys, and I felt hot. I didn't feel nervous one bit, but my body decided I felt that way. As a comparison, when I'm alone, my singing is perfectly normal.
I also encountered the same issue in high school when I was in theatre. Not one bit of nerves, but as soon as I hit the stage, my body betrayed me. I truly wonder if anyone else has experienced this same issue. I cannot explain how irritating it is to feel like your body is out of control in a situation where you feel controlled.
That's a common issue with anxiety: control. We want to be in control of every detail of our lives, so when the unexpected happens, it can be alarming. You know what I'm talking about; people call us perfectionists, say we have OCD. They don't understand that keeping organized means our lives are in control. And being in control can actually help when other situations go a different way than expected.
It can be difficult to give up that control, but we need to realize not every situation needs to fall into our hands. I challenge anyone out there - whether you have anxiety or not - to let go of some of your control. No, I'm not saying you should go jump naked in a public fountain. That's illegal.
I'm saying it's time to embrace the unexpected. You had a project at work that just got changed drastically without your input? Channel that lack of control into creative thinking. You're good at overthinking, aren't you? If you know your body and mind's reaction to stressful situations, it can be helpful to channel those reactions into the situation in a positive way. If you're not completely aware of your reactions yet, then that's my challenge for you. Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety and how you perceive those situations. That not only leads to greater self control, but you may find new ways of dealing with anxiety.
Friday, May 5, 2017
Happy Mental Health Month!
In honor of Mental Health Month, I'd like to share some tips and information from Mental Health America:
- Various drugs and medications can alter your mental state, which is doubly dangerous for people with mental illness. However, some argue that medical marijuana is effective at treating certain mental health conditions. As a matter of fact, in the past year medical marijuana usage among those with a mental illness was 11.7% higher that those without a mental illness.
- Mom, don't read this part! Sex and physical connections between consulting adults has been proven to have health benefits - especially when it comes to conditions like depression. It basically has the same effect as exercise, as in it gets all the good chemicals flowing in your brain that may be lacking due to your depression. However, compulsive sex is risky, for both your mental and physical health.
- The internet is a blessing and a curse. We are constantly surrounded by screens, but not having a good balance between time on- and offline can be harmful to your brain. Spending more time online can be a coping mechanism for those with social anxiety issues, but this only leads to further isolation.
- Exercise, but keep it reasonable. Lack of exercise, or even too much, can have negative effects on your mental state. However, exercising without pushing yourself too hard can have many benefits that extend well beyond physical health. (Check out my blog on exercise and mental illness)
For more information about mental health risk factors, visit http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/. They also have toolkits to support mental illness for individuals and organizations.
How are you celebrating Mental Health Month? If you have no plans and you'd like to support the cause, check local nonprofits and colleges for events in your area. Facebook is also a great place to find events. Be a part of ending the stigma.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
What I would have told myself when I was diagnosed
All the time, I see people who write notes to their younger selves, or people sharing what they wish they would have known when they were younger. So this is my version - depression-style.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder when I was 19 years old. Looking back, I've had symptoms of anxiety disorder since I was a very young child - probably kindergarten age. And I believe my depression started during high school sometime. Yet, I never officially saw a doctor about it until I was 19. By then...well, it was like the time they had my strep results within 15 seconds, but with mental illness.
Not to say that I'd never gone to a doctor for the symptoms before. Several times as a teenager, I went in because of digestive problems. My doctor suggested I start a diary of all the times I had a problem. As I did this, I noticed a pattern. First, I actually tended to have more headaches than stomach aches. Next, whichever problem, head or stomach, I was always stressed out. When I reported this to my doctor, I suddenly remembered feeling sick to my stomach frequently as a child when I had to take tests or do something in front of the class. BOOM. Anxiety.
There are a few things I would say to young Alex, the one who was skipping classes with a bad stomach. There are a few things I would say to the girl who was diagnosed within the first minute of a visit with a psychologist. Heck, there's probably a book of things. But I'll share some that are personally, very important to me but can possibly apply to others.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder when I was 19 years old. Looking back, I've had symptoms of anxiety disorder since I was a very young child - probably kindergarten age. And I believe my depression started during high school sometime. Yet, I never officially saw a doctor about it until I was 19. By then...well, it was like the time they had my strep results within 15 seconds, but with mental illness.
Not to say that I'd never gone to a doctor for the symptoms before. Several times as a teenager, I went in because of digestive problems. My doctor suggested I start a diary of all the times I had a problem. As I did this, I noticed a pattern. First, I actually tended to have more headaches than stomach aches. Next, whichever problem, head or stomach, I was always stressed out. When I reported this to my doctor, I suddenly remembered feeling sick to my stomach frequently as a child when I had to take tests or do something in front of the class. BOOM. Anxiety.
There are a few things I would say to young Alex, the one who was skipping classes with a bad stomach. There are a few things I would say to the girl who was diagnosed within the first minute of a visit with a psychologist. Heck, there's probably a book of things. But I'll share some that are personally, very important to me but can possibly apply to others.
- It's okay to cry. I've been labeled as a cry-baby my whole life. All my emotions are wired to my tear ducts. Angry? Cry. Frustrated? Cry. And I knew this too. I've been trying to control it for years, but crying is cathartic. It is a physical release for some of the pain and tension we try so hard to hide. A good cry can wash away some of the hurt and emptiness. And it can also exhaust you, which is a great way to get some of your much-needed sleep.
- People will try to fix you. I've found this true especially with the men in my life. You must realize that you're not broken. They can't just glue the pieces together. But it's not okay to blame them either. Fixing you is just a sign that they love you, even if they don't understand it's not their job.
- It gets better. Yes, the oh-so-cheesy, "it gets better." But it does. You need to take care of yourself, though. Go to the doctor, visit a therapist, take the meds if you need to. They saved my life, and they could save yours. I talk all the time about fighting your illness, living instead of surviving. This is where that fight comes in. You can be happy. But it's your job to do what you can to get there.
- You are exactly what you're supposed to be. I wish to God someone had told me that I belonged. I still do some days. It is extremely important for people with anxiety to know they act how they're supposed to, they look the way they're supposed to and they perform in their daily life as they're supposed to. This little reminder can make a huge difference in stress levels.
I won't go into detail about all the things I would have told myself. You are beautiful, even when you don't feel that way. You are intelligent. A hard worker. Someone who will make a difference. Those are the things we need to hear but no one ever thinks to say.
If you're someone suffering from a mental illness, tell yourself these things. Better yet, tell the people in your life you need to hear this. If they love you truly, they will understand. And for those who are friends or family to someone with a mental illness, a few simple words can make a world of difference.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
It's a mindset thing
I recently saw a friend from middle school/high school. He was doing great, although he didn't think so. I realize more and more how our perceptions of ourselves are quite different from those around us, especially for those with a mental illness.
Take for example, this young man. We'll call him Johnny for ease of reference. Johnny lost an incredible amount of weight and looked great, but he still felt like there was a way to go. He felt negatively about the career path he had chosen, like he was behind the people he had graduated with. Now, it's not for me to say whether Johnny has a mental illness, but this isn't completely about mental illness. This is about the way we perceive ourselves, how we think we should be because society says it should be so.
Personally, I was very impressed with Johnny. I hadn't seen him in five years - maybe longer. We were talking about our upcoming high school reunion and how neither of us is the person our classmates remember. I told him he should be proud of his accomplishments and the progress he made at his job. I never knew what an honest, open and insightful person he was. But what are the chances he sees himself that way?
This brings me to Johnny's perceptions of me. I made some errant comment about my depression or my anxiety, and he just couldn't believe it. To him, the confidence I showed dancing at the bar (we were at a friend's band's show) meant I'm probably confident all the time. Granted, there may have been a bit of alcohol involved, but I actually just love dancing. I tried to explain to him that I feel confident when I dance because I like it and I'm good at it. But I am also constantly plagued by the thoughts of not being good enough for other people.
Then Johnny made a really great point.
He said (and I'm paraphrasing) he doesn't understand why people focus on the things that could go wrong, especially when they have so much going right. This is a difficult prospect for the average person, but for people with a mental illness...you may as well as why we breathe all the time. Focusing on negative things is practically a hobby.
But now I challenge you - everyone out there. Give it a try. This may even be a kind of mindset therapy for those with anxiety. You know not everything about you is bad. There are some successes in your life, even if they feel small. When you're getting down on yourself, remind yourself of those things. Next time I feel insecure or like I don't belong, I'll tell myself, "But you're so confident when you're dancing, maybe you're just as good at everything else."
Like I said, it's a mindset thing.
Take for example, this young man. We'll call him Johnny for ease of reference. Johnny lost an incredible amount of weight and looked great, but he still felt like there was a way to go. He felt negatively about the career path he had chosen, like he was behind the people he had graduated with. Now, it's not for me to say whether Johnny has a mental illness, but this isn't completely about mental illness. This is about the way we perceive ourselves, how we think we should be because society says it should be so.
Personally, I was very impressed with Johnny. I hadn't seen him in five years - maybe longer. We were talking about our upcoming high school reunion and how neither of us is the person our classmates remember. I told him he should be proud of his accomplishments and the progress he made at his job. I never knew what an honest, open and insightful person he was. But what are the chances he sees himself that way?
This brings me to Johnny's perceptions of me. I made some errant comment about my depression or my anxiety, and he just couldn't believe it. To him, the confidence I showed dancing at the bar (we were at a friend's band's show) meant I'm probably confident all the time. Granted, there may have been a bit of alcohol involved, but I actually just love dancing. I tried to explain to him that I feel confident when I dance because I like it and I'm good at it. But I am also constantly plagued by the thoughts of not being good enough for other people.
Then Johnny made a really great point.
He said (and I'm paraphrasing) he doesn't understand why people focus on the things that could go wrong, especially when they have so much going right. This is a difficult prospect for the average person, but for people with a mental illness...you may as well as why we breathe all the time. Focusing on negative things is practically a hobby.
But now I challenge you - everyone out there. Give it a try. This may even be a kind of mindset therapy for those with anxiety. You know not everything about you is bad. There are some successes in your life, even if they feel small. When you're getting down on yourself, remind yourself of those things. Next time I feel insecure or like I don't belong, I'll tell myself, "But you're so confident when you're dancing, maybe you're just as good at everything else."Like I said, it's a mindset thing.
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Putting your mental health first
This is a topic I've visited in my past blog about stress and the effect of deadlines. I shared an article that argued about the importance of putting your mental health before your deadlines. This can be a major issue for some people. In our work-first-play-later culture, people are conditioned to thinking more about their work than they do themselves. But that's no way to treat a mental illness.
I recently encountered another article entitled, "Your mental health is more important than your grades" in the Huffington Post. Although I'm no longer in school, I have plenty of close friends (and family) pursuing higher education. A quick shout out to those friends and family for their future careers in nursing, teaching and (possible) psychology. The fact that a member of my family may one day be helping people with mental illness is a huge point of pride for me.
Moving beyond my personal interest, this article approaches deadlines in a new way. The article cites research that says more than half (62%) of students feel crippling anxiety when it comes to deadlines. Now, not all of those students have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but you can bet that a good few of them have. And for those students, the stress only escalates. That boosted anxiety not only harms your mental health, but can lead to negative impacts on your physiological health. Do you know that one friend that seems to get sick before every test? That's what I'm talking about.
Here are some tips from the article on how to manage stress about education:
I recently encountered another article entitled, "Your mental health is more important than your grades" in the Huffington Post. Although I'm no longer in school, I have plenty of close friends (and family) pursuing higher education. A quick shout out to those friends and family for their future careers in nursing, teaching and (possible) psychology. The fact that a member of my family may one day be helping people with mental illness is a huge point of pride for me.
Moving beyond my personal interest, this article approaches deadlines in a new way. The article cites research that says more than half (62%) of students feel crippling anxiety when it comes to deadlines. Now, not all of those students have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but you can bet that a good few of them have. And for those students, the stress only escalates. That boosted anxiety not only harms your mental health, but can lead to negative impacts on your physiological health. Do you know that one friend that seems to get sick before every test? That's what I'm talking about.
Here are some tips from the article on how to manage stress about education:
- Remember education is a privilege. In many places across the globe, there are people who struggle to get a working education. The author suggests trying to get into the mindset that your education is something to be cherished. So, when those deadlines approach, think of them as a positive step toward your future, rather than something to be feared.
- Perfectionism gets you nowhere. Those with anxiety tend to have issues with OCD or just a desire for perfectionism. This comes with the worry that we're never good enough. But we need to get in the mindset that we're always developing, and perfection just isn't realistic.
- Don't give into "imposter syndrome." This is the fear that "I don't belong" or "They'll realize I'm not as good as them." The article says women are especially susceptible to this - and I would argue that those with anxiety are as well. You got to this point in your education, didn't you? You belong there. Though it may be a challenge, you can overcome this fear.
The author also suggests focusing on time-management and remembering you're not alone. However, I realize that those of us with anxiety issues can be 100% organized, but still out of our minds with worry about deadlines. That's just something to work on. Of course, having a plan definitely helps you stay on track to complete your goals. One suggestion I have is to not procrastinate. Yes, I said the "P" word. I'm sure you've heard it before, but I have personal experience with the power of not procrastinating. If you get your work done before your deadline hits, BOOM no more deadline for you. And less stress. Think about it.
Monday, March 27, 2017
Tackling the Catch-22
Becoming aware of your mental illness is a big deal. It's one of the first steps on the way to controlling your thoughts and actions, and ultimately, feeling good. Awareness isn't easy to achieve on your own. It can take years of therapy and visits with psychologists. And I'm not talking awareness as in, "Yes, I know I have a mental illness." I'm referring to the point when you can recognize that your illness is affecting you, and you have the ability to redirect your thoughts or actions.
For example, when you recognize that your anxiety is taking over. You may become aware that you're overthinking or overanalyzing a simple situation. Awareness is realizing your anxiety is the thing that's causing you to feel or act a certain way - and you can take steps to change your attitude or behavior.
Like I said, it's a monumental achievement. But there will always be people that turn the good things around.
When you've become aware of your mental illness, chances are you become "high functioning." People see you acting "normal" and behaving like a "normal" person, but you still have your mental illness. However, if people can't see you actively being depressed or anxious, they may assume you're making it up. Some things that I've personally had said to me or I've heard said to others include:
For example, when you recognize that your anxiety is taking over. You may become aware that you're overthinking or overanalyzing a simple situation. Awareness is realizing your anxiety is the thing that's causing you to feel or act a certain way - and you can take steps to change your attitude or behavior.
Like I said, it's a monumental achievement. But there will always be people that turn the good things around.
When you've become aware of your mental illness, chances are you become "high functioning." People see you acting "normal" and behaving like a "normal" person, but you still have your mental illness. However, if people can't see you actively being depressed or anxious, they may assume you're making it up. Some things that I've personally had said to me or I've heard said to others include:
- If you can control it, then it's not really an illness is it?
- Depressed people are depressed all the time. You act normal most of the time.
- Why can't you stop yourself from having a panic attack?
Those are just scratching the surface. Those who don't "believe in" mental illnesses will come up with any excuse to make us look bad. And that leads me to the Catch-22: "You're using your mental illness as an excuse." People have begun to think that being aware of your mental illness is just a ploy to pretend to have a condition - and then get away with certain behaviors. Someone once said to me, "You use your anxiety as an excuse for everything. If you realize you're overthinking, then just stop."
You heard me. JUST STOP.
Here, let me just turn my brain off for a minute because I can JUST STOP having anxiety disorder. Yup, totally possible. Rant over.
I have good news and bad news. The good news: There are ways to tackle the Catch-22. The bad news: Like I said before, there will always be people who don't believe what science has proven true.
If you have a supportive base of friends and family, and even others who need an explanation to know why you're able to act like a normal person while still having a mental illness, consider these ideas:
- If you're like me, you've likely been experiencing symptoms of your mental illness long before you were diagnosed. You didn't begin acting like a depressed person when you were diagnosed with depression. You had panic attacks before being diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Explain to these people that you have educated yourself on your condition to learn more about your own behavior to become a healthier person.
- It's really none of their business. But if they make it their business to question why you act a certain way, tell them this is a coping mechanism suggested by a mental health professional. Now, I don't know if you've actually seen a therapist or a psychologist, but like I said, it's none of their business. People can't argue with treatment.
- Make it about them. One way to make sure people don't question you is to make them feel like you're acting a certain way for their sake. Not their fault, just for their consideration. For example, you could say you feel like you trust them so much you feel comfortable with sharing insider information on your mental illness. Sure, you act that way around everyone, but chances are, they haven't been paying that much attention.
These tips may seem selfish to some, but this is about surviving and living your life. These are real tips, for real people with mental illnesses. I'm no doctor. But I've been there.
I'm also not promoting dishonesty. Lying gets you nowhere, and being open about your illness can be freeing. These are just some strategies that can get you out of a tough conversation - a conversation that doesn't need to be had until you're ready.
I'm also not promoting dishonesty. Lying gets you nowhere, and being open about your illness can be freeing. These are just some strategies that can get you out of a tough conversation - a conversation that doesn't need to be had until you're ready.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Learning to love yourself
Thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.
I don't remember where I first heard it or who said it. Maybe I'm imagining the fact that I read this somewhere. All I know is, the moment I heard/read this, I understood.
Learning to love yourself can be a struggle for anyone with a mental illness - not just those of us with anxiety and depression. Not having your brain function like a "normal" person can be frustrating, embarrassing, and make you wish you were someone else. And for people who claim to be "just fine" with their mental illness, have you really never felt like this?
Now, loving yourself is a huge challenge. Monumental. And feeling negatively toward yourself doesn't exactly make believing that someone else loves you easy. I'm sure I'll be that person that's asking, "Are you sure?" on the way to the alter.
Props to WeHeartIt for the image, by the way. Always good for a laugh.
When you have finally accepted the fact that another person may actually love you, it's important to realize just what they go through to be with you. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having a mental illness, but I'll admit I'm a handful.
Anyone that makes an effort to deal with the mood swings, the panic attacks and the "bad days" deserves an award. And by dealing with things, I don't mean sitting there waiting for it to pass. Because that's not real love.
I'm talking about the people in our lives (not just significant others) that make the effort to figure out your triggers, who as about your day and actually mean it, and the people who know whether or not it's okay to touch you during a panic attack. Those are the people that make life easier. They are bright rays of sunshine on our dark puddles. And they understand that we don't always love ourselves - and they 're okay with it.
Every day can be a struggle to love yourself. My advice: Pick out one thing each day, no matter how bad of a day it is. One single thing to love. It could be how bright your eyes are or how clear your skin is. It could be how you make people laugh even when you don't feel like laughing. It could be that you're empathetic or passionate or brave. Heck, it could even be that you have the ability to survive a Minnesota winter if you're up here by me.
Finding that one thing could make all the difference in your ability to both accept yourself and accept the love of another person.
In the meantime, thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.
I don't remember where I first heard it or who said it. Maybe I'm imagining the fact that I read this somewhere. All I know is, the moment I heard/read this, I understood.
Learning to love yourself can be a struggle for anyone with a mental illness - not just those of us with anxiety and depression. Not having your brain function like a "normal" person can be frustrating, embarrassing, and make you wish you were someone else. And for people who claim to be "just fine" with their mental illness, have you really never felt like this?
Now, loving yourself is a huge challenge. Monumental. And feeling negatively toward yourself doesn't exactly make believing that someone else loves you easy. I'm sure I'll be that person that's asking, "Are you sure?" on the way to the alter.
Props to WeHeartIt for the image, by the way. Always good for a laugh.
When you have finally accepted the fact that another person may actually love you, it's important to realize just what they go through to be with you. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having a mental illness, but I'll admit I'm a handful.
Anyone that makes an effort to deal with the mood swings, the panic attacks and the "bad days" deserves an award. And by dealing with things, I don't mean sitting there waiting for it to pass. Because that's not real love.
I'm talking about the people in our lives (not just significant others) that make the effort to figure out your triggers, who as about your day and actually mean it, and the people who know whether or not it's okay to touch you during a panic attack. Those are the people that make life easier. They are bright rays of sunshine on our dark puddles. And they understand that we don't always love ourselves - and they 're okay with it.
Every day can be a struggle to love yourself. My advice: Pick out one thing each day, no matter how bad of a day it is. One single thing to love. It could be how bright your eyes are or how clear your skin is. It could be how you make people laugh even when you don't feel like laughing. It could be that you're empathetic or passionate or brave. Heck, it could even be that you have the ability to survive a Minnesota winter if you're up here by me.
Finding that one thing could make all the difference in your ability to both accept yourself and accept the love of another person.
In the meantime, thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
The New Year's Resolution
Hello world! It's been awhile since I last posted. I decided to take the holidays off to get my life together. You know that house I mentioned being stressed about in a prior blog? I bought it. After all that stress and craziness, I bought a house. For me, and most other people with anxiety problems, making decisions like that is a huge deal.
And that's where I'd like to start with my first blog of 2017: Decisions. Making decisions, especially on the big things, is so easy for some people. But for those suffering from a mental illness...well, you might as well just hand us a grenade and tell us to throw it. Those without a mental illness don't see the potential problems hiding behind, "What do you want for dinner?" Have you ever just wanted to scream, "I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT"? The problem is, their next question is always, why don't you know what you want?
My News Year's Resolution is focused on decision-making, something that has plagued me my entire life. My mom figured out pretty quickly that asking me to do anything or make any decisions on the spot was a bad idea, even prior to my diagnosis. It's something I've struggled with for many years, and the decisions only seem to get more important the older I get. That's why I've decided to start making decisions.
What, you say, you always make decisions! How did you eat breakfast this morning if you couldn't make a decision? Not those kinds of decisions, silly. I mean the big ones. The buying a house ones. The buying a car after driving around on a death trap for four years decisions. And I'm not going to take 65 million years to make those decisions either. It's time to be more impulsive. I am a big girl and I know what makes me happy, so why don't I make decisions that I know will make me happy? That's a good question for anyone with a mental illness.
Are you making decisions that make you happy? Do you even know what makes you happy? Think about your last plunge into depression. I know it was hard, but you must remember your first good day afterwards. Take that day as an example of what makes you happy. What did you do? Who did you talk to? What did you eat? Keeping track of the things that make you happy - even the small ones - can be the key to making decisions in the future.
(Sorry about the cheesy quote, but it's true)
If you're like me and you're a constant over-thinker and over-planner, impulsive decisions can be scary. But they can also pay off.
My challenge for anyone with a mental illness is to make an impulsive decision. It doesn't have to be anything major. It could be going out for lunch during the work day when you normally take lunch in the office. It could be going to a movie by yourself, even though you're afraid you'll be judged. It could be booking a flight on that vacation that you've been thinking about. Hey, you ran the numbers and you can afford it, why not?
You're more prepared for change than you realize.
And that's where I'd like to start with my first blog of 2017: Decisions. Making decisions, especially on the big things, is so easy for some people. But for those suffering from a mental illness...well, you might as well just hand us a grenade and tell us to throw it. Those without a mental illness don't see the potential problems hiding behind, "What do you want for dinner?" Have you ever just wanted to scream, "I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT"? The problem is, their next question is always, why don't you know what you want?
My News Year's Resolution is focused on decision-making, something that has plagued me my entire life. My mom figured out pretty quickly that asking me to do anything or make any decisions on the spot was a bad idea, even prior to my diagnosis. It's something I've struggled with for many years, and the decisions only seem to get more important the older I get. That's why I've decided to start making decisions.
What, you say, you always make decisions! How did you eat breakfast this morning if you couldn't make a decision? Not those kinds of decisions, silly. I mean the big ones. The buying a house ones. The buying a car after driving around on a death trap for four years decisions. And I'm not going to take 65 million years to make those decisions either. It's time to be more impulsive. I am a big girl and I know what makes me happy, so why don't I make decisions that I know will make me happy? That's a good question for anyone with a mental illness.
Are you making decisions that make you happy? Do you even know what makes you happy? Think about your last plunge into depression. I know it was hard, but you must remember your first good day afterwards. Take that day as an example of what makes you happy. What did you do? Who did you talk to? What did you eat? Keeping track of the things that make you happy - even the small ones - can be the key to making decisions in the future.
(Sorry about the cheesy quote, but it's true)
If you're like me and you're a constant over-thinker and over-planner, impulsive decisions can be scary. But they can also pay off.
My challenge for anyone with a mental illness is to make an impulsive decision. It doesn't have to be anything major. It could be going out for lunch during the work day when you normally take lunch in the office. It could be going to a movie by yourself, even though you're afraid you'll be judged. It could be booking a flight on that vacation that you've been thinking about. Hey, you ran the numbers and you can afford it, why not?
You're more prepared for change than you realize.
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