Hello again. I must apologize for the lack of posting these past few months. I've started a bigger project, and it's taking up much of my time. You see, I am writing a book to share my journey with mental illness. It has always been my dream to become an author. And what better way to start than by writing what you know?
I think it's so important for us to get our stories out there. Although there are not two equal experiences with mental illness, seeing it out there and knowing you're represented is huge. It's a major step toward removing the stigma around metal health issues and helping people take a hold of their condition. I can only hope the things I write help someone in some way. Even one person is a victory.
I hope to continue sharing blogs as I write my story. The frequency may be less often, but these issues are never gone. I'll leave you with this.
Take today to make an impact. It doesn't have to be on someone with a mental illness. It can be anyone. Reach out. Ask someone how they're doing. Ask how you can make their day better. Or it you're the one who needs a helping hand, make a small request. Ask for some quiet time. Or ask for a hug. Only communication can help us escape from our heads.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Finding sanity in my insanity
Okay, so this title is a bit of an overstatement. But here goes. I used my overthinking to my advantage.
That sentence, in itself, is enough achievement for a whole blog, but I'll explain myself. Disclaimer: This whole situation might feel a bit silly and small to a "normal" person, but it felt like a big deal to me.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend started playing Pokemon Go. Yes, I know we're a year too late to the party, but hey, we're 90's kids. He downloaded the game at the same time our neighbor did, who is also a young man, mid-20's. And they started playing the game together. And I mean PLAYING, as in running out of the house at 10 p.m. because "there's a Snorlax in the Toys R Us parking lot."
Anyway, I felt very left out. Here I was, sitting alone at home while he and his buddy ran around like kids. It felt very petty of me, which is why I started overthinking in the first place. Here's a bit of how my stream of thoughts went:
Why do I feel this bad? It's just a stupid game.
But he plays all the time. Is it because he doesn't want to be around me?
No, that's stupid. You're a person. He just finds the game fun and interesting.
So if it's not me, why is he leaving all the time?
Well, he does like to hang out with our neighbor. They're good friends.
But I'm his friend too. Doesn't he want to play with me?
Play the game? Do you need an invitation?
After all that figuring out why I felt bad and being alone, I decided to swallow my pride. Who cared if it was a stupid game? The problem was that I was depressed and alone. The solution was to find a way to stop being depressed and alone. A.K.A to play the game.
And you know what? It worked.
We started hanging out more, going on walks, going out with our neighbors. I could tell when we went out that the young man's wife was feeling the same way I had been: left out, lonely, and frustrated. I just didn't think it was my place to tell her what to do. In some ways, I wish I'd felt comfortable telling her I understood.
As ever, I can't stop myself from giving a little advice. Yes, this was a pretty easily-handled situation. But I could have very easily just sat there and continued to think about it and be lonely and overanalyze why the game was more fun than I was. Instead, and maybe it was by chance, my brain gave me an option I needed. It gave me a solution to the questions circling around my mind. If you often find yourself overthinking about a situation, it can help to try and focus your thoughts in a direction that leads to answers - if you can't turn off the overthinking entirely. This is a form of therapy in itself. Another part of being aware of your own thoughts. You have all these thoughts buzzing through your head. There's bound to be a solution in there somewhere.
That sentence, in itself, is enough achievement for a whole blog, but I'll explain myself. Disclaimer: This whole situation might feel a bit silly and small to a "normal" person, but it felt like a big deal to me.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend started playing Pokemon Go. Yes, I know we're a year too late to the party, but hey, we're 90's kids. He downloaded the game at the same time our neighbor did, who is also a young man, mid-20's. And they started playing the game together. And I mean PLAYING, as in running out of the house at 10 p.m. because "there's a Snorlax in the Toys R Us parking lot."
Anyway, I felt very left out. Here I was, sitting alone at home while he and his buddy ran around like kids. It felt very petty of me, which is why I started overthinking in the first place. Here's a bit of how my stream of thoughts went:
Why do I feel this bad? It's just a stupid game.
But he plays all the time. Is it because he doesn't want to be around me?
No, that's stupid. You're a person. He just finds the game fun and interesting.
So if it's not me, why is he leaving all the time?
Well, he does like to hang out with our neighbor. They're good friends.
But I'm his friend too. Doesn't he want to play with me?
Play the game? Do you need an invitation?
After all that figuring out why I felt bad and being alone, I decided to swallow my pride. Who cared if it was a stupid game? The problem was that I was depressed and alone. The solution was to find a way to stop being depressed and alone. A.K.A to play the game.
And you know what? It worked.
We started hanging out more, going on walks, going out with our neighbors. I could tell when we went out that the young man's wife was feeling the same way I had been: left out, lonely, and frustrated. I just didn't think it was my place to tell her what to do. In some ways, I wish I'd felt comfortable telling her I understood.
As ever, I can't stop myself from giving a little advice. Yes, this was a pretty easily-handled situation. But I could have very easily just sat there and continued to think about it and be lonely and overanalyze why the game was more fun than I was. Instead, and maybe it was by chance, my brain gave me an option I needed. It gave me a solution to the questions circling around my mind. If you often find yourself overthinking about a situation, it can help to try and focus your thoughts in a direction that leads to answers - if you can't turn off the overthinking entirely. This is a form of therapy in itself. Another part of being aware of your own thoughts. You have all these thoughts buzzing through your head. There's bound to be a solution in there somewhere.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Overthinking your way to worse health
Overthinking. It's enough to keep you up at night - literally.
As I've mentioned time and time again, anxiety can do some ugly things to your thoughts. But it's not always the ugly things that can affect someone with anxiety disorder. Simply thinking about too many things, all the time can be a struggle to live with. These thoughts can just be thoughts, not worries or anything that a "normal" person would label as "anxious."
That's the thing about anxiety. People don't always realize that it's not that you're feeling anxious all the time. Sometimes there are just thoughts in your head that spiral out of control. Heck, the overwhelming number of thoughts going through our heads can be enough to make a person anxious. But what we fail to understand is how this overthinking and general anxiety hurt other parts of our health. I've heard others (and probably argued this myself) say that "It's only in my head. It's not hurting the other parts of me." Maybe not directly, but the problems that come along with anxiety can be dangerous to our health.
For one thing, overthinking can make you stressed. Stress and anxiety kind of go hand in hand. But stress can affect our sleep, eating habits, and overall physical health. And when you're not in peak physical condition, you have a much smaller chance of being able to effectively deal with mental illness.
Those who know me could tell you the most common reason I can't sleep is because "my brain woke up." I'm sure other people with anxiety issues can relate. One moment you're in a peaceful, deep slumber. Then the next, you wake up and start thinking. You may not even realize you're thinking. And it may not even be something that makes you anxious. Your brain just turns itself on and thoughts get out of control. It can be frustrating - and there's another element of your health affected by overthinking: emotional health.
It's easy to say people with mental health issues also have problems with emotional health. But it's not that simple. It's not like we don't feel happy or angry or sad or any of the other emotions a "normal" person experiences. The problem is that our emotions can get thrown off easily. Queue the overthinking.
I hate to throw some math out there, but let's try this equation:
Anxiety + overthinking + lack of sleep = unstable emotions
Get it? Even a person without a mental illness has probably experienced this problem. So what's the solution? As with all things mental health related, I'm sorry, but it's not easy. I cannot stress enough the power of guided meditation. The ability to control your thoughts is so valuable. It's really a skill everyone should learn. A hint if you're trying to get back to sleep: I've heard focusing on one thing and trying to get all the details right helps. Like picturing your childhood home. For me personally, I like to replay episodes of TV shows in my mind or recall a recipe I've recently made. It's mostly a matter of getting your mind to focus on one thing.
Do you have any suggestions on how to control overthinking? What works for one doesn't work for all. Only by working together to understand and treat mental illness can we overcome these barriers.
Those who know me could tell you the most common reason I can't sleep is because "my brain woke up." I'm sure other people with anxiety issues can relate. One moment you're in a peaceful, deep slumber. Then the next, you wake up and start thinking. You may not even realize you're thinking. And it may not even be something that makes you anxious. Your brain just turns itself on and thoughts get out of control. It can be frustrating - and there's another element of your health affected by overthinking: emotional health.
It's easy to say people with mental health issues also have problems with emotional health. But it's not that simple. It's not like we don't feel happy or angry or sad or any of the other emotions a "normal" person experiences. The problem is that our emotions can get thrown off easily. Queue the overthinking.
I hate to throw some math out there, but let's try this equation:
Anxiety + overthinking + lack of sleep = unstable emotions
Get it? Even a person without a mental illness has probably experienced this problem. So what's the solution? As with all things mental health related, I'm sorry, but it's not easy. I cannot stress enough the power of guided meditation. The ability to control your thoughts is so valuable. It's really a skill everyone should learn. A hint if you're trying to get back to sleep: I've heard focusing on one thing and trying to get all the details right helps. Like picturing your childhood home. For me personally, I like to replay episodes of TV shows in my mind or recall a recipe I've recently made. It's mostly a matter of getting your mind to focus on one thing.
Do you have any suggestions on how to control overthinking? What works for one doesn't work for all. Only by working together to understand and treat mental illness can we overcome these barriers.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
I'd like to talk to you about suicide
Of all the topics related to mental illness, suicide triggers some of the worst reactions. And to be honest, I can understand why people don't want to talk about it. But here's the thing. Do you really think people who are suicidal want to think about it? How can we figure out how to stop suicide if everyone is afraid to talk about it?
I recently read an article in The Mighty that was about how patients with different categories of suicidal attempts are treated differently. The author, a nurse, describes how patients whose attempt is more "serious," or had more life-threatening results will be treated with understanding, compassion and patience. Those with "less serious" attempts (a non-lethal dose of medication or non-life threatening injuries) receive less sympathy are are described as a "waste of time."
However, I, like this nurse, believe anyone who is purposely self-harming needs to be taken seriously and cared for kindly. You never truly know a person's intention if they end up surviving a suicide attempt. Were they actually trying to succeed? Was it a "cry for help?" But it doesn't matter. The fact is, a suicide attempt means serious mental illness (note the lack of quotes this time).
The author of this piece said something that really resonated with me: "Just because I didn’t end up in the emergency department didn’t make my determination to kill myself less serious."
Most of us with depression and anxiety issues are silent about them, so it makes sense that people ask, "Why?" after a suicide. Often, you hear, "Why didn't he/she talk to me about it? They should have come to me." But we must remember, this is a mental illness. Not only do we feel as though we'd be bothering you with our issues, but the fact it, the stigma alone is enough to stop someone from reaching out.
There are so many emotions that admitting you feel suicidal can bring up - both for yourself and those you're telling. We feel isolated, terrified, empty, and talking about suicidal thoughts can pile onto that. The challenge is to create a supportive environment. Many times, those with mental illness aren't looking for your answers. I'm sorry, but this is true. We aren't asking you to fix us. We aren't trying to get answers to questions. We don't really want advice.
We just want you to listen.
The fear of being committed to a treatment center is also a major barrier to discussing suicide. Although in some cases, this may be necessary, but those with suicidal thoughts want to be normal. My advice for those with mental illness: As hard as it may be, try to start the conversation. And as always, you're not alone.
For family and friends of those with mental illness, just because your loved one is depressed, DOES NOT mean they are suicidal. Please be gentle. Create that supportive environment. Listen. Provide a shoulder to cry on, if need be. In severe cases, don't be afraid to take action. I'll even admit that our minds aren't always in the right place, and sometimes we need a push to do the right thing.
I recently read an article in The Mighty that was about how patients with different categories of suicidal attempts are treated differently. The author, a nurse, describes how patients whose attempt is more "serious," or had more life-threatening results will be treated with understanding, compassion and patience. Those with "less serious" attempts (a non-lethal dose of medication or non-life threatening injuries) receive less sympathy are are described as a "waste of time."
However, I, like this nurse, believe anyone who is purposely self-harming needs to be taken seriously and cared for kindly. You never truly know a person's intention if they end up surviving a suicide attempt. Were they actually trying to succeed? Was it a "cry for help?" But it doesn't matter. The fact is, a suicide attempt means serious mental illness (note the lack of quotes this time).
The author of this piece said something that really resonated with me: "Just because I didn’t end up in the emergency department didn’t make my determination to kill myself less serious."
Most of us with depression and anxiety issues are silent about them, so it makes sense that people ask, "Why?" after a suicide. Often, you hear, "Why didn't he/she talk to me about it? They should have come to me." But we must remember, this is a mental illness. Not only do we feel as though we'd be bothering you with our issues, but the fact it, the stigma alone is enough to stop someone from reaching out.
There are so many emotions that admitting you feel suicidal can bring up - both for yourself and those you're telling. We feel isolated, terrified, empty, and talking about suicidal thoughts can pile onto that. The challenge is to create a supportive environment. Many times, those with mental illness aren't looking for your answers. I'm sorry, but this is true. We aren't asking you to fix us. We aren't trying to get answers to questions. We don't really want advice.
We just want you to listen.
The fear of being committed to a treatment center is also a major barrier to discussing suicide. Although in some cases, this may be necessary, but those with suicidal thoughts want to be normal. My advice for those with mental illness: As hard as it may be, try to start the conversation. And as always, you're not alone.
For family and friends of those with mental illness, just because your loved one is depressed, DOES NOT mean they are suicidal. Please be gentle. Create that supportive environment. Listen. Provide a shoulder to cry on, if need be. In severe cases, don't be afraid to take action. I'll even admit that our minds aren't always in the right place, and sometimes we need a push to do the right thing.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
The science behind exercise & depression
I've never been a fan of running. Not only am I horribly uncoordinated, but it just feels silly. So when it comes to exercise, I've had to find other ways to get my heart pumping. In a past blog on the how exercise can fight depression, I discussed how a quick work out can have benefits beyond physical health. With summer right around the corner, I thought I'd bring back the topic and discuss the chemical and scientific reasons behind why exercise helps treat depression.
Now, I fully support the use of antidepressants in cases where they're called for. However, (as you may assume from the title of this blog) I believe overcoming depression and anxiety takes more than medication. And for those like me, who are no longer on antidepressants, exercise can be a great way to right the bad days.
There have been many articles and studies focused around the effects of physical activity and exercise on depression. One that hit me recently was a doctor who shared her personal experiences with how depression can treat depression. In this article, Dr. Jennifer Closshey stresses the importance of regular exercise to treat depression, rather than as a one-time activity. Granted, a one-time exercise can help you feel better, but it will be for the short term.
It's still unclear to medical professionals exactly why exercise helps depression and anxiety, but it's agreed that exercise does have benefits. Exercise releases what the article calls "feel good" chemicals, like endorphins and endocannabinoids. Other evidence is that exercise reduces immune system chemicals and increases body temperature. Because immune system chemicals can make depression worse, exercise helps detoxify your system. Evidence also shows that a higher body temperature has a relaxing effect.
Other non-chemical benefits include:
- Self confidence and improved self esteem
- Increased social interaction
- Distraction from negative thoughts
What science doesn't tell us is exactly how often to exercise and the level of intensity. Because no two people are the same and depression hits people differently, it's safe to assume there's no set-in-stone exercise time.
My suggestion is to just go for it. Start slow - this is a good rule of thumb for anyone that's just starting an exercise routine. Exercise moderately a few times a week, but don't push yourself too hard. If you keep up an exercise routine, you'll naturally become stronger and push yourself harder. You may not notice the effects at first, but it's vital to not give up. Almost no treatment in this world is instantaneous. You may hate hearing it, but it's true: as with everything else in life, just keep at it. Don't give in. You're stronger than you know.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Anxiety: When your mind isn't nervous but your body is
How do I know that anxiety disorder is real? I can have no mental reaction to a situation, but I still have a physiological response. I don't consider myself someone who gets anxious about social situations because mentally, I'm totally fine with it. The thing is, even when I feel perfectly comfortable, sometimes by body still gets a stress trigger. There is nothing more frustrating.
I've never really heard of anyone else experiencing this problem, which is perhaps why I want to share this. It's not something anyone ever talks about. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that my anxiety could even trigger these purely physiological responses until this past year.
The best example I can give is singing. I love to sing. I'm actually pretty decent at singing, too. In college, I would go to the weekly campus karaoke night with my best friend, and I discovered my body's frustrating response to a situation most people consider stressful. I just wanted to sing. I didn't mind the group of people (it was relatively small, 10-15 people). But as soon as I started to sing, my voice was higher pitched, I couldn't seem to change keys, and I felt hot. I didn't feel nervous one bit, but my body decided I felt that way. As a comparison, when I'm alone, my singing is perfectly normal.
I also encountered the same issue in high school when I was in theatre. Not one bit of nerves, but as soon as I hit the stage, my body betrayed me. I truly wonder if anyone else has experienced this same issue. I cannot explain how irritating it is to feel like your body is out of control in a situation where you feel controlled.
That's a common issue with anxiety: control. We want to be in control of every detail of our lives, so when the unexpected happens, it can be alarming. You know what I'm talking about; people call us perfectionists, say we have OCD. They don't understand that keeping organized means our lives are in control. And being in control can actually help when other situations go a different way than expected.
It can be difficult to give up that control, but we need to realize not every situation needs to fall into our hands. I challenge anyone out there - whether you have anxiety or not - to let go of some of your control. No, I'm not saying you should go jump naked in a public fountain. That's illegal.
I'm saying it's time to embrace the unexpected. You had a project at work that just got changed drastically without your input? Channel that lack of control into creative thinking. You're good at overthinking, aren't you? If you know your body and mind's reaction to stressful situations, it can be helpful to channel those reactions into the situation in a positive way. If you're not completely aware of your reactions yet, then that's my challenge for you. Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety and how you perceive those situations. That not only leads to greater self control, but you may find new ways of dealing with anxiety.
I've never really heard of anyone else experiencing this problem, which is perhaps why I want to share this. It's not something anyone ever talks about. As a matter of fact, I didn't know that my anxiety could even trigger these purely physiological responses until this past year.
The best example I can give is singing. I love to sing. I'm actually pretty decent at singing, too. In college, I would go to the weekly campus karaoke night with my best friend, and I discovered my body's frustrating response to a situation most people consider stressful. I just wanted to sing. I didn't mind the group of people (it was relatively small, 10-15 people). But as soon as I started to sing, my voice was higher pitched, I couldn't seem to change keys, and I felt hot. I didn't feel nervous one bit, but my body decided I felt that way. As a comparison, when I'm alone, my singing is perfectly normal.
I also encountered the same issue in high school when I was in theatre. Not one bit of nerves, but as soon as I hit the stage, my body betrayed me. I truly wonder if anyone else has experienced this same issue. I cannot explain how irritating it is to feel like your body is out of control in a situation where you feel controlled.
That's a common issue with anxiety: control. We want to be in control of every detail of our lives, so when the unexpected happens, it can be alarming. You know what I'm talking about; people call us perfectionists, say we have OCD. They don't understand that keeping organized means our lives are in control. And being in control can actually help when other situations go a different way than expected.
It can be difficult to give up that control, but we need to realize not every situation needs to fall into our hands. I challenge anyone out there - whether you have anxiety or not - to let go of some of your control. No, I'm not saying you should go jump naked in a public fountain. That's illegal.
I'm saying it's time to embrace the unexpected. You had a project at work that just got changed drastically without your input? Channel that lack of control into creative thinking. You're good at overthinking, aren't you? If you know your body and mind's reaction to stressful situations, it can be helpful to channel those reactions into the situation in a positive way. If you're not completely aware of your reactions yet, then that's my challenge for you. Pay attention to what triggers your anxiety and how you perceive those situations. That not only leads to greater self control, but you may find new ways of dealing with anxiety.
Friday, May 5, 2017
Happy Mental Health Month!
In honor of Mental Health Month, I'd like to share some tips and information from Mental Health America:
- Various drugs and medications can alter your mental state, which is doubly dangerous for people with mental illness. However, some argue that medical marijuana is effective at treating certain mental health conditions. As a matter of fact, in the past year medical marijuana usage among those with a mental illness was 11.7% higher that those without a mental illness.
- Mom, don't read this part! Sex and physical connections between consulting adults has been proven to have health benefits - especially when it comes to conditions like depression. It basically has the same effect as exercise, as in it gets all the good chemicals flowing in your brain that may be lacking due to your depression. However, compulsive sex is risky, for both your mental and physical health.
- The internet is a blessing and a curse. We are constantly surrounded by screens, but not having a good balance between time on- and offline can be harmful to your brain. Spending more time online can be a coping mechanism for those with social anxiety issues, but this only leads to further isolation.
- Exercise, but keep it reasonable. Lack of exercise, or even too much, can have negative effects on your mental state. However, exercising without pushing yourself too hard can have many benefits that extend well beyond physical health. (Check out my blog on exercise and mental illness)
For more information about mental health risk factors, visit http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/. They also have toolkits to support mental illness for individuals and organizations.
How are you celebrating Mental Health Month? If you have no plans and you'd like to support the cause, check local nonprofits and colleges for events in your area. Facebook is also a great place to find events. Be a part of ending the stigma.
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