Depression is depressing

This morning, I encountered a problem that a lot of people with depression have seen. I didn't know why I felt depressed, and my significant other didn't understand how that can be. I was in a horrible mood last night and I hoped I could sleep it off, but this morning brought no relief - and NO, this has nothing to do with the election. When I got out of bed and went to go get breakfast, my boyfriend asked if I was "done being cranky." The thing is, I didn't feel cranky.

As many of you know, irritability is a symptom of depression. A single, little thing can set you off. That's my mood for the day. But I recognize that it's my depression, and not a tangible thing, that's causing me to feel this way, so I try to reign it in. The problem is, it's so hard sometimes. Hiding your depression from those you love is a lot of work. And it's really not the best thing for your relationships. If those people really love you, they should accept you, your depression and try to help you in any way they can.

Returning to my morning, my boyfriend obviously knew something was wrong, but when I told him I felt depressed, he didn't understand that there wasn't any specific cause. This goes back to the mantra, we have good days and bad days. Today is a bad depression day for me. Fortunately, I am able to pick myself up, eat a good meal and haul myself to work. My heart goes out to those who experience crippling depression. I have been there too. You can get better. But at that point, I was so frustrated that I couldn't just be a normal-functioning person that my depression made me more depressed.

My boyfriend even said the words, "You look like you're angry at your tears." And I was. Being unable to completely control your emotions is frustrating and angering. Not being able to explain why or make others understand that it's beyond your control is just as frustrating.

That brings me back to the importance of education, listening and support. Our loved ones can never completely know how we feel, and that's okay. We need to understand that our friends and families are not a magical cure for our mental health. But they are the pillars, the support beams that keep us going and drive us forward. We can't be afraid to help them educate themselves. After all, this education can end up benefiting everyone.

It also helps to realize we can't just change ourselves. When depression is keeping you down, and you can't stand one more second of not being able to control your emotions, know you're not alone. There are others fighting the same demons. We are a community of survivors, and it's time to help each other take the next step toward healing.