I'd like to talk to you about suicide

Of all the topics related to mental illness, suicide triggers some of the worst reactions. And to be honest, I can understand why people don't want to talk about it. But here's the thing. Do you really think people who are suicidal want to think about it? How can we figure out how to stop suicide if everyone is afraid to talk about it?

I recently read an article in The Mighty that was about how patients with different categories of suicidal attempts are treated differently. The author, a nurse, describes how patients whose attempt is more "serious," or had more life-threatening results will be treated with understanding, compassion and patience. Those with "less serious" attempts (a non-lethal dose of medication or non-life threatening injuries) receive less sympathy are are described as a "waste of time."

However, I, like this nurse, believe anyone who is purposely self-harming needs to be taken seriously and cared for kindly. You never truly know a person's intention if they end up surviving a suicide attempt. Were they actually trying to succeed? Was it a "cry for help?" But it doesn't matter. The fact is, a suicide attempt means serious mental illness (note the lack of quotes this time).

The author of this piece said something that really resonated with me: "Just because I didn’t end up in the emergency department didn’t make my determination to kill myself less serious." 


Most of us with depression and anxiety issues are silent about them, so it makes sense that people ask, "Why?" after a suicide. Often, you hear, "Why didn't he/she talk to me about it? They should have come to me." But we must remember, this is a mental illness. Not only do we feel as though we'd be bothering you with our issues, but the fact it, the stigma alone is enough to stop someone from reaching out.

There are so many emotions that admitting you feel suicidal can bring up - both for yourself and those you're telling. We feel isolated, terrified, empty, and talking about suicidal thoughts can pile onto that. The challenge is to create a supportive environment. Many times, those with mental illness aren't looking for your answers. I'm sorry, but this is true. We aren't asking you to fix us. We aren't trying to get answers to questions. We don't really want advice.

We just want you to listen.

The fear of being committed to a treatment center is also a major barrier to discussing suicide. Although in some cases, this may be necessary, but those with suicidal thoughts want to be normal. My advice for those with mental illness: As hard as it may be, try to start the conversation. And as always, you're not alone.

For family and friends of those with mental illness, just because your loved one is depressed, DOES NOT mean they are suicidal. Please be gentle. Create that supportive environment. Listen. Provide a shoulder to cry on, if need be. In severe cases, don't be afraid to take action. I'll even admit that our minds aren't always in the right place, and sometimes we need a push to do the right thing.